"Where your Christmas Dollar goes?" joke

Statistics compiled by MAD Magazine Issue 228, January 1982. (Dated but still a relevant source).
40% - Presents.
6% - Presents with no useful functions.
4% - Presents with a function, but which will never be used.
10% - Presents the recipient will say they like, but really hate.
11% - Presents you really want for yourself, and plan to use after the intended recipients get tired of them.
6% - Presents for people you hate, but feel you have to buy for.
* -Presents the recipients will really like.
3% - T-shirts with writings on them.
21% - Decorations.
6% - Christmas tree (less if you're really cheap and wait till Dec. 24th to buy it!).
1% - Christmas tree lights to replace the ones that burned out last year.
1% - Christmas tree lights to replace the ones you stepped on this year.
2% - Christmas tree ornaments.
3% - Christmas tree ornaments hangers (includes the gas for that extra trip you always have to make back to store because there weren't enough hangers supplied with the ornaments).
1% - A new star for the top.
2% - Tinsel (which everyone will put on the tree incorrectly, starting a very bad... and possibly violent... family argument).
2% - Outdoor displays.
2% - Medical bills for injuries sustained while putting up outdoor displays.
1% - Fuses to replace those blown when turning on outdoor displays for the first time.
8% - Food and Drink.
1% - More eggnog than the entire Osmond family could even drink.
1.5% - Foods you would never buy any other time of the year (i.e. fruitcakes, mincemeat, etc.).
1% - Alcoholic beverages (triple this figure if you have relatives coming from out of town).
1% - Milk and cookies the kids make leave out for Santa.
1% - Candy canes that nobody ever eats.
2% - Turkey.
0.5% - Antacid.
9% - Entertainment.
1% - That new record you buy every year (even though you already have 27 hours of recorded Christmas music).
3% - Taking a bunch of kids to a really crummy G-rated movie about cute little animals.
5% - Extra trips to the local bar that you take to avoid those sickening TV Christmas Specials the networks keep throwing at you.
12% - Miscellaneous.
3% - Sickly-sweet Christmas Cards.
2% - Postage for same.
2% - Bonuses for people who don't even deserve them (like that louse paper boy).
0.5% - Candles.
0.5% - Plastic mistletoe.
2% - Money tossed into street-corner Santa's buckets (although you don't really know what it's for).
2% - Money for the collection plate for your once-a-year trip to church for Christmas Mass.
10% - Batteries.
* Too small an amount to be statistically significant.