Outdoor Jokes

Bad: You can't find your vibrator. Worse: Your daughter "borrowed" it. Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room. Worse: You're in it. Bad: Your children are sexually active. Worse: With each other. Bad: Your husband's a cross dresser. Worse: He looks better than you. Bad: Your son's involved in Satanism. Worse: As a sacrifice. Bad: Your wife wants a divorce. Worse: She's a lawyer. Bad: Your wife's leaving you. Worse: For another woman. Bad: Your wife's leaving you. Worse: To enter a convent. Bad: Your wife's arrested for soliciting. Worse: She implicates you. Good: Hot outdoor sex. Bad: You're arrested. Worse: By your husband. Good: The postman's early. Bad: He's wearing camos and has an AK-47. Good: The secretary said "yes." Bad: Your wife says "no." Good: The teacher likes your son. Bad: Sexually. Worse: He's gay. Good: You came home for a quickie. Bad: So did the postman. Good: You came home for a quickie. Bad: Your wife walks in. Good: You get a more...

Definition of Outdoor Barbecuing --------------------------------- It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion. (1) The woman goes to the store. (2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert. (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill. (4) The man places the meat on the grill. (5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables. (6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. (7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman. (8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table. (9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. (10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no more...

Bad: You can't find your vibrator.
Worse: Your daughter "borrowed" it.
Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room.
Worse: You're in it.
Bad: Your children are sexually active.
Worse: With each other.
Bad: Your husband's a cross dresser.
Worse: He looks better than you.
Bad: Your son's involved in Satanism.
Worse: As a sacrifice.
Bad: Your wife wants a divorce.
Worse: She's a lawyer.
Bad: Your wife's leaving you.
Worse: For another woman.
Bad: Your wife's leaving you.
Worse: To enter a convent.
Bad: Your wife's arrested for soliciting.
Worse: She implicates you.
Good: Hot outdoor sex.
Bad: You're arrested.
Worse: By your husband.
Good: The postman's early.
Bad: He's wearing camos and has an AK-47.
Good: The secretary said "yes."
Bad: Your wife says "no."
Good: The teacher likes your son.
Bad: Sexually.
Worse: He's gay.
Good: You came home for more...

At an outdoor press conference, Al Gore was addressing harsh criticism of being "lifeless as a statue.""That is absurd," Gore stoically stated. "When elected, the people of America will see just how passionate and alive I truly am."Embarrassed for her husband, Tipper, leaned in to whisper, "Honey, you have a pigeon on your head."

Bad: You can't find your vibrator.Worse: Your daughter "borrowed" it.Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room.Worse: You're in it.Bad: Your children are sexually active.Worse: With each other.Bad: Your husband's a cross dresser.Worse: He looks better than you.Bad: Your son's involved in Satanism.Worse: As a sacrifice.Bad: Your wife wants a divorce.Worse: She's a lawyer.Bad: Your wife's leaving you.Worse: For another woman.Bad: Your wife's leaving you.Worse: To enter a convent.Bad: Your wife's arrested for soliciting.Worse: She implicates you.Good: Hot outdoor sex.Bad: You're arrested.Worse: By your husband.Good: The postman's early.Bad: He's wearing camos and has an AK-47.Good: The secretary said "yes."Bad: Your wife says "no."Good: The teacher likes your son.Bad: Sexually.Worse: He's gay.Good: You came home for a quickie.Bad: So did the postman.Good: You came home for a quickie.Bad: Your wife walks in.Good: You get a three-day weekend.Bad: You get more...