Porn Jokes

Bad: You can't find your vibrator. Worse: Your daughter "borrowed" it. Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room. Worse: You're in it. Bad: Your children are sexually active. Worse: With each other. Bad: Your husband's a cross dresser. Worse: He looks better than you. Bad: Your son's involved in Satanism. Worse: As a sacrifice. Bad: Your wife wants a divorce. Worse: She's a lawyer. Bad: Your wife's leaving you. Worse: For another woman. Bad: Your wife's leaving you. Worse: To enter a convent. Bad: Your wife's arrested for soliciting. Worse: She implicates you. Good: Hot outdoor sex. Bad: You're arrested. Worse: By your husband. Good: The postman's early. Bad: He's wearing camos and has an AK-47. Good: The secretary said "yes." Bad: Your wife says "no." Good: The teacher likes your son. Bad: Sexually. Worse: He's gay. Good: You came home for a quickie. Bad: So did the postman. Good: You came home for a quickie. Bad: Your wife walks in. Good: You get a more...

A Tucson Arizona cable television provider has apologized to area customers after 30-seconds of porn was mistakenly shown during the Super Bowl. Customers angrily called when programming returned to the Super Bowl.

Bruce comes home from the pub and sees Sheila watching Gordon Ramsay's F%*#ing cooking show on the telly.
Bruce says; "What are you watching that shit for? You can't cook to save your life!."
To which Sheila replies; "So what? You watch porn movies, don’t you?"

Women get a diamond ring when they get engaged. What do we get? A lousy blowjob. We spend $5,000 on a ring and that's it? Do you know how many blowjobs you can get for five grand? May I add that none would be lousy.
Well, if a woman gets an engagement ring, why don't we get something in return? (Women always say,"You get me!" Well I've had you!) I need something else, like maybe an engagement flatscreen, plasma T.V. We can both enjoy the plasma T.V. We both can't enjoy your diamond ring. And when we have kids we can enjoy it as a family.
Now, that's an engagement present that makes sense. And when the kids are off to school and you're off to work, I can continue to enjoy my engagement present and watch porn in HDTV!

...former porn queen jenna jameson is putting out her own brands of salad dressing...the first flavor will be Mustang Ranch.