Distance Jokes / Recent Jokes

Chase is very pleased to announce that we are installing newDrive-thru ATMs where customers will be able withdraw cashwithout leaving their vehicle. (Other accounts can also utilisethis facility) Male and Female procedures have been tailored tobest reflect the behaviors of those particular groupings. PROCEDURE FOR MALE CUSTOMERS: 1. Drive up to the ATM2. Open the car window3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN4. Enter amount of cash required and press "enter"5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt6. Close window7. Drive awayPROCEDURE FOR FEMALE CUSTOMERS: 1. Drive up to the ATM2. Reverse back the required distance to align car with ATM3. Re-start stalled engine4. Open the car window5. Find handbag, empty all contents onto the passenger seat and locate card6. Turn radio down7. Attempt to insert card into ATM8. Open car door to allow easier access to ATM due to excessive distance between car and ATM9. Insert card10. Re-insert card the right way up11. Ignore the sound of car more...

The US Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used?
Because that's the way they built them in England, and the US railroads were built by English expatriates. Why did the English people build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used. Why did "they" use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing. Why did the wagons use that odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing the wagons would break on the old long distance roads, because that's the spacing of the old wheel ruts. So who built these old rutted roads? The first long distance roads in Europe were built by
Imperial Rome for the benefit of their Legions. The roads have been used ever since. And the more...

1. What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
"Look, a herd of elephants in the distance"
2. What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants with sunglasses
in the distance?
Nothing. He doesn't recognize them.
3. What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of giraffes in the distance?
"Haha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!"
4. What is the difference between en elephant and a plum?
An elephant is grey.
5. What does Jane say when she sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
"Look! A herd of plums in the distance" (Jane is colorblind)
6. How do you get four elephants into a Mini?
Two in the front, two in the back.
7. What game do four elephants in a mini play?
Squash
8. How do you get an elephant into the fridge?
1. Open door.
2. Insert elephant.
3. Close door.
How do you get a giraffe into the fridge?
1. Open more...