Doc Jokes / Recent Jokes

The new patient was airing his woes to an understanding doctor: "After the first, I'm tired, Doc. After the second, my chest aches and I start getting pains in my legs. After the third, I feel like fainting and it takes half-an-hour for my heart and respiration to return to normal."
"Why don't you quit after the first?" inquired the doctor.
"How can I do that, Doc?" the patient asked. "I live on the third."

> A recent college graduate took a new job in a hilly Eastern city
>and began commuting each day to work through a tiring array of tunnels,
>bridges and traffic jams. To make the task less demanding, he invited
>several of his coworkers to share the ride.
>
> He soon found, however, that the commute continued to get more
>stressful, especially the trips through the tunnels. He consulted the
>company doctor.
>
> "Doc," the frustrated commuter complained, "I'm fine on the
>bridges, in the traffic, in the day and at night, and even when Joe
>forgets to bathe all week long. But when I get in the tunnels and I've
>got those four other guys crowded around me in the car, I get anxious and
>dizzy and feel like I'm going to explode."
>
> Without further analysis, the doctor announced he had identified
>the ailment.
>
> "What is it, Doc? Am I going insane?"
>
> more...

A feeble old man is in his doctor's office having a check-up. The doctor finishes the check-up says to the man, "So, you seem in fine health. Any problems?" "Yes, Doc," the old man slowly responded. "My sex drive is too high and I need it lowered." This took the doctor quite by surprise. "You're 84 years old, and you're in fine health for a man of your age, and I know men half your age who would kill for a problem like that. So, why are you complaining?" Well," the old man said, "I see all these sexy nurses at the home, and when I go for a walk, I see all these cute honeys all around, so that's why I'm here, Doc. I want my sex drive lowered." Still confused, the doctor said, "I would think that at your age, you wouldn't complain about a high sex drive." "Doc," the old man said, "You don't understand. I need my sex drive lowered from here," pointing to his head, "to here," pointing to between more...

A man walks into the dentist's office and after the dentist examines him, he says, "that tooth has to come out. I'm going to give you a shot of Novocain and I'll be back in a few minutes."

The man grabs the doc's arm, "no way. I hate needles I'm not having any shot!"

So the dentist says, "okay, we'll have to go with the gas."

The man replies, "absolutely not. It makes me very sick for a couple of days. I'm not having gas."

So the dentist steps out and comes back with a glass of water, "here," he says. "Take this pill."

The man asks "What is it?"

The doc replies, "Viagra."

The man looks surprised, "will that kill the pain?" he asks.

"No," replies the dentist, "but it will give you something to hang on to while I pull your tooth

A woman and a baby come into the doctor's office.
She is taken into an examining room and waits for the doctor.
After arriving there, the doctor examines the baby, and finds him not gaining much weight and asks the woman, "Is he breast fed or on the bottle?"
"Oh... he is breast fed!", replied the woman.
"Well then, strip down to your waist," orders the doctor.
She takes off her top and bra and sits on the examing table.
The doc starts pressing, kneading and pinching both breasts for quite a while in a very detailed and thorough examination.
The doc motions to her to get dressed, then the doctor says, "No wonder this baby is so hungry. You don't have any milk!"
The woman with a wry grin on her face responds, "Well of course I don't, I'm his aunt!"

Mary went to the doctor complaining of body odor. "Do you wash?" the doc asked the rank young girl. "Oh, yes," Mary answered. "Each morning, I start at my head and wash down as far as possible. Then I start at my feet and wash up as far up as possible." "Well," the doc concluded, "go home and wash possible."

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor
of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known
heart surgeon in his shop. The surgeon was there
waiting for the service manager to come take a look at
his bike.
The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, can
I ask you a question?"
The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the
mechanic working on the motorcycle.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag
and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its
heart, take valves out, fix' em, put' em back in, and
when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I
get such a small salary and you get the really big
bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same
work?
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and
whispered to the mechanic..... "Try doing it with the
engine running".