Doc Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy went to his doctor full of anger. "Doc," he said, "I feel like killing my wife. You've got to help me. Please tell me what I should do." The doctor thought for a moment. "Look," he said, "here are some pills. Take these twice a day and they'll allow you to fuck your wife six time a day. If you do this for thirty days, you'll finally screw her to death. And the autopsy will just show that she died of heart failure during sex." "Wonderful, doc," said the grateful patient. "I'll start with this right away." He left with the bottle of pills and a smile on his face. Nearly a month passed. One day, while on a medical convention, the doctor passed by the patient coming down the sidewalk in a wheelchair, just barely managing to move forward." What happened?" asked the doctor. "What happened to your wife?" "Don't worry, doc," the patient reassured him, "two more days and she'll be dead."

1. Sag, You're it

2. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy

3. 20 Questions Shouted into your Good Ear

4. Kick the Bucket

5. Red Rover, Red Rover, The Nurse Says Bend Over

6. Doc, Doc Goose

7. Simon Says Something Incoherent

8. Hide and Go Pee

9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta

10. Musical Recliners

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley, when he spotted a world-famous heart surgeon in his shop. The heart surgeon was waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc can I ask you a question?"

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I also can open hearts, take valves out, fix'em, put in new parts and when I finish this will work just like a new one. So how come I get a pittance and you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic..... "Try doing it with the engine running!

A 90 year old man shows up for a physical. He tells the doctor he is about to marry a 20 year old girl." Really?" said the doctor. "You're healthy enough, I suppose, but take my advice. If you want a happy marriage, you should take in a boarder. Do you know what I mean?" The old man says, "OK, doc. I'll think about it." Six months later, the doctor sees the old man on the street. He asks him how his new marriage is working out." Great doc" In fact, my wife is pregnant." The doctor nods knowlingly and says, "So you took my advice and took in a boarder?" The old man winked and said, "Yep. And she's pregnant too!"

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground, when he finally gets himself to the doctor. He says, "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancée is still a virgin in every way." The doc said, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week." So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries, and on his honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them. She says, "You are my FIRST, no one has ever touched these breasts." He whips down his pants and says... " Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!"

A guy goes to the doctor with a mysterious pain and tells the doctor, "Doc, Doc, my penis has been burning lately."
And the doctor says reassuringly, "Don`t worry son, that just means someone is talking about it."
Did you hear about the doctor who had his licence taken away because he was having affairs with his patients?
Yes, it`s a shame because he was one of the top veterinarians in the country.
A woman goes to the dentist. As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his balls. The dentist says, "Madam, I believe you`re got a hold of my privates."
The woman replies, "Yes. We`re going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren`t we?"
"Oh doctor," moaned the woman to the psychiatrist. "Everyone calls me a nymphomaniac"
"I understand," said the doctor, "but I`ll be able to take better notes if you let go of my penis."
Patient: "Doc, Doc, you`re got to more...

A soldier goes into the hospital for surgery after being wounded in
battle.

Waking up from the anesthesia he sees his doctor standing at his
bedside. "So tell me Doc, what did you do to me?"

The doctor says, "Son, we have some good news and some bad news."

"Yeah, what?" replies the patient.

"Well the good news is that we were able to save your private
parts."

"Yes, that is good news Doc, but what about the bad news?"

"We put them under your pillow!"