Doc Jokes / Recent Jokes

A soldier goes into the hospital for surgery after being wounded in battle.
Waking up from the anesthesia he sees his doctor standing at his bedside. "So tell me Doc, what did you do to me?"
The doctor says, "Son, we have some good news and some bad news."
"Yeah, what?" replies the patient.
"Well the good news is that we were able to save your private parts."
"Yes, that is good news Doc, but what about the bad news?"
"We put them under your pillow!"

When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family." "Your mother's side or your father's?" I asked. "Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family." "Oh, come now," I said. "How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?" He sighed. "You oughta meet' em sometime, Doc!"

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement.

"Listen," says the Doc, "I have migraines too, and the advice I`m going to give you isn`t really anything I learned in medical school, but it`s advice that I`ve gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks."

Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin.

"Doc! I took more...

“Doc, I need something for my eyes…can’t see well these days”. The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.
The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he’s very depressed.
Doc says, “What’s the problem…didn’t the glasses help you? ”
“The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I’ve been living with a water hose the past 2 years! ”

A man walks into the bar really depressed.
The bartender asks him what his problem is.
“My dog just died and the damn vet charged me Rs 10, 500. ”
Says the bartender: “Wow, that is pretty high. What did the vet do? ”
“Not much. I took the dog in there and told him, you got to help him Doc, this is the best dog I have ever had. The vet pokes at him for a few minutes and says, ‘I’m sorry, there’s nothing I can do. ’ I said ‘Come on doc, this is my best dog, there’s got to be something you can do. ’ The vet says, ‘OK, we can try one more thing. ’ He goes over to this cage and grabs this cat and brings it over to the dog and swings it around the dog’s head. The vet says, ‘sorry but he’s gone. That’ll be Rs 10, 500. ’ I said, ‘What! Rs 10, 500 to declare the dog dead? ” He says, ‘Yeah. Rs 500 for the office visit and Rs 10, 000 for the CAT scan. ”

Bholaji goes to the doctor and says "Doc, I ache all over. Every where I touch it hurts."

The doc says "Ok, touch your elbow."
Bholaji touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain.

The doc, surprised, says "touch your head."
Bholaji touches his head and jumps in agony.

The doc asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens.
Every where Bholaji touches it hurts like hell.

The doc is stumped and orders a complete examination with X-rays etc... and tells Bhola to come back after two days.

Two days later Bhola comes back and the doctor says, "We've found your problem..."

"Oh yeah? what is it? "

'You've broken your finger!'

The father of 17 kids goes to the doc's with a rash on his belly. "All right" says the Doc, "drop' em and let's have a look." Having been confronted with the evidence the Doc exclaims "Yes, you've got a bad rash there, but my word, what brown balls you've got. They're truly remarkable!".
The patient is a bit embarrassed and says "Look Doc, what about the rash?"
"Oh that's easy," said the Doc, "Here's some cream to rub on. By the way, those brown balls are amazing, my I ask....."
"No," said the patient, "You can't. Now, is that all Doc?"
"Well, " said the Doctor, " You could stop the rash coming back with a bit better hygiene. Tell your wife you need clean underpants every day. And those really are the brownest balls I've ever seen!"
The guy goes home and tells his wife that the Doctor says he needs clean underpants every day.
"What?" she yells, more...