Doc Jokes / Recent Jokes

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley, when he spotted a world-famous heart surgeon in his shop. The heart surgeon was waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike.
The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc can I ask you a question?" The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I also can open it up, take valves out, fix'em, put in new parts and when I finish this will work just like a new one. So how come I get a pittance and you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic, "Try doing it while it's running!

Chico once went to the doctor due to stomach trouble. The doctor prescribed plenty of milk and gave Chico a bottle of pills. "I`ll stop by this evening and see how you`re doing," the doctor said. "In the meantime, drink at least four glasses of milk. Milk is the ticket for curing your trouble. So drink plenty of it." That evening, the doctor returned, examined Chico and told him, "You`re much better this evening. Just be sure you don`t drink any milk. Not one glass. It`s not for you." "But, doctor," Chico exclaimed, "only this morning you told me that milk was what I needed and that I should drink four glasses of it." "Well, what do you know?" the doctor replied. "It certainly goes to show that we`ve made tremendous progress in medicine since the last time I saw you."

"How did it happen?" the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man`s broken leg. "Well, doc, 25 years more...

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground, when he finally gets himself to the doctor.
He says, "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancée is still a virgin in every way."
The doc said, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."
So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries, and on his honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them.
She says, "You are my FIRST, no one has ever touched these breasts."
He whips down his pants and says... " Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!"

The Top Old Fart Games: 10. Musical Recliners9. Spin the bottle of Mylanta8. Hide and Go Pee7. Simon Says something Incoherent6. Doc, Doc Goose5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the Nurse says Bend Over4. Kick the Bucket3. 20 Questions Shouted into your Good Ear2. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy1. Sag, You're It

Women to Doc "My husband is never interested in sex"
Doc says' "Take these pills and give him 1 a day "
At home she puts 1 pill in his tea n they had sex that night.
Next day she puts 2 pills in his tea n they enjoyed much more that nite. Next day she puts the whole bottle load in his tea.
Some days later Doc called to know the progress and his son replied -'Mom is dead, aunt in hospital, maids' pregnant, and dad is running naked in the garden chasing the dog"

A guy takes his ill and aging wife in to the doctor's office. After a full examination, the doc tells the guy it's one of two things. The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimers disease or AIDS." "What do you mean!" The guy says, "Can't you tell the difference?" "Well, says the Doc, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what ya do... Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, - don't have sex with her anymore!"

A guy walks into his doctor`s office and says, "Ddddoc, I`ve bbbeen sssttttuttering ffor yyears and III`m tired of it. Ccccan yyyou hehehelp mmme???"

The doc says, "Well, I`ll have to examine you first before I can answer you."

The doc examines him and says, "Well, I`m pretty sure that I know what the problem is."

The guy asks, "wwwell wwwhat is it, ddoc?"

The doc says,"It`s your penis. It`s about about 18 inches long and all of the down pressure is putting a strain on your vocal chords."

The guy asks, "Wwwhat ccan wwe ddo about it?"

The doc replies, "Well, I can cut it off and transplant a shorter one. I can guarantee that the operation will cure your stuttering."

The guy says, "Dddo it!"

The guy has the operation and about four weeks later he comes back to the doctor`s office and says, "Thanks Doc. You`ve solved more...