Doc Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy who has a stuttering problem goes in to his doctor and says "Ex-ex-ex-cu-cu-se m-m-me d-d-oc but I I I have th-th-this st-st-stuttering problem and I I I was wo-wondering if you c-c-c-could help m-m-m-me." "Well take off your clothes and get into this gown and let me check you over." The guy gets into the gown and the doc begins his check-up." The doctor is quite surprised: "I see what the problem is your penis is so large that it's pulling on you abdominal muscles which in turn is causing a strain on your vocal chords." "W-w-w-well c-c-can you h-h-help m-m-me?" "Sure I can but we'll need to cut off about 8 inches""I-I-I-I can't t-t-t-take this an-any more do it." Six months later the guy goes back to the doc. "Well doc I must say that the operation was a great success but my sex life really sucks and I would like my operation reversed. Please put back what you took off". The doc replies more...

A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. "Wow, this is great," he thought. It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight: lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.
Hey," he called. "I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?"
"Yes. Come and join us," they cried. Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. It tasted so good. "What else do you wild rabbits do?" he asked. "Well," one of them said. "You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them." This he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were more...

Three elderly ladies were at the doctor for a cognitive reasoning test.

The doctor says to the first gal, "What is three times three?" "297," was her prompt reply. "Ummm humm," says the doc.

The doctor says to the second lady, "It's your turn now. What is three times three?" "Friday," replies the second lady. "Ummm humm..."

Then the doc says to the third, "Okay, mam, your turn. What's three times three?"

"Nine," she says. "That's wonderful!" says the doc. "Tell me, how did you get that?"

"Simple," she says, beaming... "I subtracted 297 from Friday!"

You're in remarkable shape for a man your age," said the doctor to the ninety-year-old man after the examination.
"I know it," said the old gentleman. "I've really got only one complaint-my sex drive is too high. Got anything you can do for that, Doc?"
The doctor's mouth dropped open. "Your what?!" he gasped.
"My sex drive," said the old man. "It's too high, and I'd like to have you lower it if you can."
"Lower it?!" exclaimed the doctor, still unable to believe what the ninety-year-old gentleman was saying. "Just what do you consider' high'?"
"These days it seems like it's all in my head, Doc," said the old man, "and I'd like to have you lower it if you can."

A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital.

Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him. "I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon.

"The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm! "

"Oh God no!" cries the man. "My golfing is over! Please Doc, what's the good news?"

"The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's arm. I'll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant."

"Go for it doc" says the man. "As long as I can play golf again."

The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon.

"Hi, how's the new arm? " asks the surgeon.

"Just great" says the businessman. "I'm playing the best golf of my life. My
new arm has a much more...

A old snake goes to see his Doctor. "Doc, I need something for my eyes... cant see well these days". The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks. The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor hes very depressed. Doc says, "Whats the problem... didnt the glasses help you?" "The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered Ive been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"

Prisoner: Look here, doc! You`ve already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out of this place! Doctor: I am, bit by bit.

Tom: What`s good for excessive wind, doctor? Doctor: A kite!
Bill: My wife beats me, doctor` Doctor: Oh dear. How often? Bill: Every time we play Scrabble!

Sam: I get so nervous and frightened during driving tests! Doctor: Never mind, you`ll pass eventually. Sam: But I`m the examiner!

Doctor: You`re in good health. You`ll live to be 80. Patient: But, doctor, I am 80 right now. Doctor: See, what did I tell you.

Patient: Please tell me, doctor, am I getting better? Doctor: I think so. But to be sure, let me feel your wallet...

A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands. "Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. more...