Dogs Jokes / Recent Jokes

A mother and her son were flying "Southwest Airlines" from Kansas toChicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to hismother and said, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why dont big planes have baby planes?" The mother (who couldnt think ofan answer) told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy asked thestewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, whydont big planes have baby planes?" The stewardess asked, "Did yourmother tell you to ask me?" He said that his mother had. So thestewardess said, "Tell your mother that Southwest always pulls out ontime."

A little girl was walking through the park with her mother when they came across two dogs mating.
"What are those two dogs doing, Mommy?" the little girl asked.
Embarrassed, the mother replied, "Well, the dog on top hurt his paw, so the one underneath is carrying him to the vet."
"They're just like people, aren't they, Mommy?" the little girl said.
"What do you mean, dear?" asked the mother.
"Offer somebody a helping hand," explained the little girl, "and they'll screw you every time!"

Three dogs are at the vet in the waiting room.
When the first dog asks the second dog what he's in for, he answers, "My master bought a brand new carpet the other day, and at the first opportunity I soiled it, so now I've been brought here to be put to sleep. So what are you here for?"
The first dog replies grimly, "I'm also being put to sleep. My master had a table with a collection of expensive vases and while I was chasing my tail I accidentally bumped into the table and broke them all."
The two dogs then look over and ask the third dog what he's in for. The third dog answers, "The reason I'm here is the other day my master stepped out of the shower and she bent over. I couldn't resist, so I jumped her from behind and took her like a wild animal!"
"So I guess you're also here to be put to sleep?" says the first dog.
The third dog answers, "Nope, I'm here to get my nails clipped!"

Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone.

A man walks into a Kansas bar with his golden retriever. "Hey," says the bartender, "No dogs allowed in the bar." "Oh please?," begs the customer. You see, you're playing the Royals game, and my dog is a really big fan of the Royals." "You're trying to tell me that this here dog is a BASEBALL FAN?! Both of you get out of my bar," says the bartender. "No animals allowed, and YOU belong in a mental institution. Dogs don't like baseball!" Just then, the Royals get a hit. The dog goes wild. He jumps up on the bar and hops around in circles on his hind legs. Then he does the same on his front legs! The bartender is astounded. "That is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! Who ever thought a DOG could like baseball?! I'm curious though....if he gets that excited when the Royals get a hit, what does he do when they get a home run?" "I don't know," confesses the owner, "I' ve only had him for five years."

Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, and the fourth man was a Government Worker.
To show off, the Engineer called to his dog. "T-Square, do your stuff." T-Square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen, and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the Accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Slide Rule, do your stuff." Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good.
But the Chemist said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone more...

The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. Theyd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever sides dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms. The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler dogs in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. The used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and nobody could get near it. "When the day came for th e fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine foot long Dachshund. more...