Dogs Jokes / Recent Jokes
Because they can.Why do dogs stick their noses in women's crotches?
Same reason.
Gather presents, boxes, paper, etc. in middle of living room floor.
Get tape back from puppy.
Remove scissors from older dog's mouth.
Open box.
Take puppy out of box.
Remove tape from older dog's mouth.
Take scissors away from puppy.
Put present in box.
Remove present from puppy's mouth.
Put back in box after removing puppy from box.
Take scissors from older dog and sit on them.
Remove puppy from box and put on lid.
Take tape away from older dog.
Unroll paper.
Take puppy OFF box.
Cut paper being careful not to cut puppy's foot or nose that is getting in the way as he "helps."
Let puppy tear remaining paper.
Take puppy off box.
Wrap paper around box.
Remove puppy from box & take wrapping paper from its mouth.
Tell older dog to fetch the tape so he will stop stealing it.
Take scissors away from puppy.
Take tape older dog is holding.
Quickly tape one spot before taking scissors from more...
Two farmers were discussing which one had the meanest, toughest dog. One, who had a very mean looking Doberman, insisted that his was the meanest and toughest and that it could lick any other dog in the country. The second just looked at his mangy, old, yellow dog and said that he would wager his against any dog in the country.
Well, after some animated discussion they finally decided to let the dogs fight it out. After a very brief snarling match, the old, yellow dog leapt on the Doberman and killed it outright.
The first farmer was aghast. His dog had been beating other dogs for years and had never had more than a small scratch or two. He turned to the other farmer and asked, "What kind of dog did you say yours is?"
The first farmer replied, "Well, before he lost his tail, we called him a Mountain Lion!"
The young Indian boy had spent most of his life in a quandry... He felt different yet... couldn't figure why... he was just so depressed. He went to the Chief for answers... He asked the chief how his brother Red Deer Running had gotten his name...
The chief answered in his typically poetic way..."When Red Deer Running was born, at the moment of his birth, the first thing his mother saw was a beautiful deer running off into the forest... and so Running Deer was named. It is the custom of our tribe to name the offspring according to the spirits in nature visiting upon the birth."
Then, the boy said to the Chief... And how did my sister "Thundering Bird" get her name? The chief described again, how at the moment of her birth Thundering Bird's mother had heard a roar of thunder and looking up, saw a bird flying in the sky...
The boy asked again, how his cousin "White Crouching Bear" had been given such a name... And the chief, looking down once more...
How Dogs and Men are the same:
Both take up too much space on the bed
Both have irrational fears re vacuum cleaning
Both are threatened by their own kind
Both mark their own territory
Both are bad at asking questions
Neither tells you what is bothering them
Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches
Neither does any dishes
Both fart shamelessly
Neither of them notice when you have a new haircut
Both like dominance games
Both are suspicious of the Postman
Neither knows how to talk on the telephone
Neither understands what you see in cats
How Dogs are BETTER than men
Dogs don't have a problem expressing affection in public
Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong
Dogs admit when they are jealous
Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out
Dogs don't play games with you except fetch (and they never laugh at the way you throw)
Dog don't feel threatened by your more...
Q: How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it, and one to sniff the first ones' butt.
Three dogs are sitting in the waiting room at the vet's: a Poodle, a Terrier and a Great Dane. They're all discussing what they're in for.
The Terrier says, "I can't help but bite the postman, every time he turns up I'm after him down the path. The Post Office have complained to my owners and they've agreed to put me down".
All the dogs agree that this is a great shame.
The Poodle then states why it's at the vet's. " Every time I see a car I'm over the fence and chasing after it. It's great fun, the problem is that a car I was chasing yesterday swerved to avoid me and crashed, killing the driver. My owners have decided that I should be put down so that I don't cause any more accidents".
The Poodle and the Terrier turn to the Great Dane to hear his story.
"Well, my owner had just had a bath" he says "she was bending over in the bedroom drying her legs, and I just couldn't resist it, I climbed aboard and had my way with more...