Dolly Jokes / Recent Jokes

If Kitty Carlisle married Conway Twitty, she'd be Kitty Twitty.
If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.
If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali.
If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she'd be Bo Ho.
If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.
If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg (hey! it's the '90's!), he'd be Cat Doggy Dogg.
If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.
If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.
If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting.
If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver.
If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he'd be Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh.
How about a baseball marriage? If Boog Powell married Felipe Alou, he'd be Boog Alou.
If G. Gordon more...

A young woman teacher with obvious liberal tendencies explains to her class of small children that she is an atheist. She asks her class if they are atheists too. Not really knowing what atheism is but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks.
There is, however, one exception. A beautiful girl named Dolly has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
"Because I'm not an atheist."
Then, asks the teacher, "What are you?"
"I'm a Christian."
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Dolly why she is a Christian.
"Well, I was brought up knowing and loving Jesus. My mom is a Christian, and my dad is a Christian, so I am a Christian."
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be more...

Raquel Welch, Dolly Parton and Princess Di all die on the same day. Raquel gets to heaven first and St. Peter says to her, "So why should I let you in through the Pearly Gates?" She smiles, takes off her shirt and waves her boobs around and he says, "Oh. . . I see. OK, you're in."
Dolly shows up next and St. Peter asks the same question. So she takes off her shirt, waves her boobs around and he says, "Oh yes, you may go in, too."
Finally, Princess Di arrives and St. Peter asks the same question to her. Instead of taking off her shirt, though, she reaches into her bag and pulls out a douche. "Wait a minute!" St. Peter exclaims. "What are you doing? I can't let you in with that!"
"I'm sorry," Di says. "But where I come from a Royal Flush always beats two pair."

January 19th - Clone Patent Day
In 2000, the U.S. biotechnology company Geron Corporation, which had bought the Scottish research company formed by those who had cloned Dolly the sheep, won the first UK patents for cloning. The patents covered the nuclear transfer technology used to create Dolly in 1996.
LEAK SUPPORT
*ring* *ring*
"Hello! Technical Support, how can I help you?"
"Well, I was sorta hoping someone could walk me through taking a leak."
"Okay... well, do you have to go now?"
"Yes, I do"
"Okay... well, are you on male or female equipment?"
"MALE-CLONE."
"Okay, the first thing we want to do is find your fly."
"My what?"
"Your fly... it opens your pants. It should be in the front of you. Look down."
"I see shoes."
"No, sir... look sorta in the front of you... like just below your stomach. You should see some metal on more...