Done Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. ”We will do it” means “You will do it”
2. ”You have done a great job” means “More work to be given to you”
3. ”We are working on it” means “We have not yet started working on the
same”
4. ”Tomorrow first thing in the morning” means “Its not getting done
“At least not tomorrow! ”
5. ”After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views” means “I have already decided, I will tell you what to do”
6. ”There was a slight miscommunication” means “We had actually lied”
office-management-fundas
7. ”Lets call a meeting and discuss” means “I have no time now, will talk later”
8. ”We can always do it” means “We actually cannot do the same on time”
9. ”We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline” means “The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time. ”
10. ”We had slight differences of opinion “means “We had more...

I knocked several times, but you weren`t in. - Opportunity

I once worked as a salesman and was very independent; I took orders from no one.

I think we should really add to the confusion... Let`s call in (Insert Your Favorite Group - Engineering/Financial...)

I think... therefore I am confused.

I will get it done when I get it done!

I would give $1000 to be a millionaire.

I`ve got to stop getting fired like this. People will start to think I`m a drifter. - Lee Iacocca

If a listener nods his head when you`re explaining your program, wake him up.

If a man advances confidently in the direction of his dreams to live the life he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. - Henry David Thoreau

If a program is useful it will be changed, if it is useless, it will be documented.

there is a guy that walks into a bar and sees a huge pile of money and
asks the bar-keep what its for. The bar-keep says its a bet that no one has one
yet. so the guy asks what has to be done and the bar-keep replys,"three things
have to be done, first, you see that huge wrestler over in the corner?" they guy
says "yup.", "you have to whoop the shit out of him! Then there is a doverman
pincher in that closet over there, you have to go in there and pull his loose
tooth, but he is a mean fucker" "and third?" asked the guy and the bar-keep
answered "see that dike over there, you have to get her to fuck you" and the
guy was wondering how the hel that was all suposed tho be done in one night. So
he took three shots of tequila and siad "FUCK IT!!!!!" he walked ove rthe the
wresteler and beat the shit out ofe him and then walked in to the closet and
every one got quiet after the more...

A British cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. The locals always picked on the Brits and when the cowboy was done with his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.

He comes back in the bar, flips his gun in the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. "WHICH ONE OF YOU SNAKES STOLE MY HOSS?" he yelled with surprised forcefulness. No one answered.

"ALL RIGHT -- I'M GOING TO HAVE ANOTHER BEER. WHEN I'M DONE, IF MY HOSS AIN'T BACK OUTSIDE, I'M GOING TO DO WHAT I DID IN TEXAS! AND I DON'T *LIKE* TO DO WHAT I DID IN TEXAS!"

The locals shifted uneasily as they'd never seen anyone quite this upset. When the cowboy finished his beer, he walked back outside and his horse had been returned.

The bartender had followed him out there and asked, "Just out of curiosity, what did you do in Texas?"

"I had to bloody walk home."

Q: How many Geminis does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Two, but the job never gets done --- they just keep arguing about who is supposed to do it and how its supposed to be done!

A husband and wife, out enjoying a round of golf, were about to tee off on the third hole, which was lined with beautiful homes. The wife hit her shot and the ball began to slice - her shot was headed directly at a very large plate glass window. Much to her surprise, the ball smashed through the window and shattered it into a million pieces. They felt compelled to see what damage was done and drove off to see what happened. When they peeked inside the house, they found no one there. The husband called out and no one answered. Upon further investigation, they saw a small gentleman sitting on the couch with a turban on his head. The wife asked the man, "Do you live here?" "No, someone just hit a ball through the window, knocked over the vase you see there, freeing me from that little bottle. I am so grateful!" he answered. The wife asked, "Are you a genie?" "Oh, why yes I am. In fact, I am so grateful I will grant you two wishes, and the third I will more...

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

Customer: "Ok."

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"

Customer: "Sure, you told me to write' click' and I wrote' click'."

(At this point I had to put the caller on hold to tell the rest of the tech support staff what had happened. I couldn't, however, stop from giggling when I got back to the call.)

Tech Support: "Ok, did you type' click' with the keyboard?"

Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?"