Dong Jokes

There was a lady who was in bed with her lover one day, when she
hears a noise and realizes that her husband is home early from
work. She has no idea what to do with her lover so she sticks him
in the closet and successfully covers up every part of his body
except his balls. Thinking quick, she paints his balls red with
some spray paint.
Her husband comes up to the bedroom and opens the closet doors to
get out some clothes and notices the red balls hanging
there. "What are these?" he asks.

"Oh, those are just some Christmas Bells I picked up on sale this
afternoon," she answers.

He toys with them for a second and realizes that they are not
making noise, so he pulls them apart and clangs them together, but
all he hears is "uuuggghhh".

He says, "Honey, these things aren't working right, let me try
again." So he pulls them farther apart and bangs them more...

AP-Man faces 20 years for smuggling 14 birds in his pants. A man pleaded guilty for trying to smuggle live birds, through Los Angeles International Airport, by strapping them to his legs. Sony Dong (his real name) admitted to the crime when asked by security if he had birds in his pants. Dong replied, "Yes and my cockatoo."

Come and listen to my story 'bout a man named John
A poor ex-Marine with a little fraction gone
It seems one night after getting with his wife
She lopped off his dong with the swipe of a knife.
PENIS, that is.
Clean cut.
Missed his nuts.
Well, the next thing you know there's a Ginsu by John's side
And Lorena's in the car taking Willie for a ride
But she soon got tired of her purple-headed friend
And tossed him out the window as she rounded the next bend.
CURVE, that is.
Tossed the nub.
In the shrub.
Then she went to the cops and confessed to the attack
So they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back
They sniffed and they barked and they pointed "over there!"
To John Wayne's henry that was waving in the air.
FOUND, that is.
By a fence.
Evidence.
Now Peter and John couldn't stay apart too long
So a Dick Doctor said, "Hey, I can fix that dong."
A needle and thread is more...

You must sing this to yourself to the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies to get the full effect!)
Come and listen to my story' bout a man named John,
A poor ex-marine with little fraction gone,
It seems one night after gettin' with the wife,
She lopped off his dong with the swipe of a knife.
Penis, that is.
Clean Cut. Missed his nuts.

Well, the next thing you know there's a Ginsu by his side,
And Lorena's in the car taken' Willie for a ride.
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend
And tossed him out of the window as she rounded a bend.
Curve, that is.
Tossed the nub. In the shrub.
She went to the cops and confessed to the attack,
And they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back.
They sniffed and they barked and they pointed "Over there"
To John Wayne's henry that was waving in the air.
Found, that is.
By a fence. Evidence.
Now peter and John couldn't stay apart more...

A man goes to his doctor and complains that his penis is developing a bend in the middle. So the doctor ran a series of tests, and had the man return to his office to report the results. "Have you been in the Far East recently, within the last year or so?" "Why, yes," replied the man. "And did you have sex while over there?" The man looked worried. "Well, yes, once or twice." The doctor's face got a grave expression on it. "That's what I was afraid of. You have a new disease that's just starting to spread in this country. It's called' Hong Kong Dong.'" The man gulped. "What do you do for it? Is there a cure?" "Well, sort of. You see, there is no way to cure the disease, but you must have an operation." "An operation? What kind of operation?" "We cut off your penis." "Wow! Do you mind if I get a second opinion?" The doctor replied, "Of course not. In something of such a serious more...