Dong Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a lady who was in bed with her lover one day, when she
hears a noise and realizes that her husband is home early from
work. She has no idea what to do with her lover so she sticks him
in the closet and successfully covers up every part of his body
except his balls. Thinking quick, she paints his balls red with
some spray paint.
Her husband comes up to the bedroom and opens the closet doors to
get out some clothes and notices the red balls hanging
there. "What are these?" he asks.

"Oh, those are just some Christmas Bells I picked up on sale this
afternoon," she answers.

He toys with them for a second and realizes that they are not
making noise, so he pulls them apart and clangs them together, but
all he hears is "uuuggghhh".

He says, "Honey, these things aren't working right, let me try
again." So he pulls them farther apart and bangs them more...

A man goes to his doctor and complains that his penis is developing a bend in the middle. So the doctor ran a series of tests, and had the man return to his office to report the results. "Have you been in the Far East recently, within the last year or so?" "Why, yes," replied the man. "And did you have sex while over there?" The man looked worried. "Well, yes, once or twice." The doctor's face got a grave expression on it. "That's what I was afraid of. You have a new disease that's just starting to spread in this country. It's called' Hong Kong Dong.'" The man gulped. "What do you do for it? Is there a cure?" "Well, sort of. You see, there is no way to cure the disease, but you must have an operation." "An operation? What kind of operation?" "We cut off your penis." "Wow! Do you mind if I get a second opinion?" The doctor replied, "Of course not. In something of such a serious more...

Sung to the tune of "The Beverly Hillbillies"
Come and listen to my story 'bout a man named John,
A poor ex-marine with little fraction gone,
It seems one night after gettin' with the wife,
She lopped off his dong with the swipe of a knife.
Penis, that is.
Clean Cut. Missed his nuts.
Well, the next thing you know there's a Ginsu by his side,
And Lorena's in the car taken' Willie for a ride.
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend
And tossed him out the window as she rounded a bend.
Curve, that is.
Tossed the nub. In the shrub.
She went to the cops and confessed to the attack,
And they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back.
They sniffed and they barked and they pointed "Over there"
To John Wayne's henry that was waving in the air.
Found, that is.
By a fence. Evidence.
Now peter and John couldn't stay apart too long
So a dick doc said, "Hey, I can fix that more...

Sung to the tune of "The Beverly Hillbillies"Come and listen to my story 'bout a man named John, A poor ex-marine with little fraction gone, It seems one night after gettin' with the wife, She lopped off his dong with the swipe of a knife.Penis, that is.Clean Cut. Missed his nuts.Well, the next thing you know there's a Ginsu by his side, And Lorena's in the car taken' Willie for a ride.She soon got tired of her purple-headed friendAnd tossed him out the window as she rounded a bend.Curve, that is.Tossed the nub. In the shrub.She went to the cops and confessed to the attack, And they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back.They sniffed and they barked and they pointed "Over there"To John Wayne's henry that was waving in the air.Found, that is.By a fence. Evidence.Now peter and John couldn't stay apart too longSo a dick doc said, "Hey, I can fix that dong!""A needle and a thread is all we're gonna need"And the whole world waited till more...

You must sing this to yourself to the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies to get the full effect!)
Come and listen to my story' bout a man named John,
A poor ex-marine with little fraction gone,
It seems one night after gettin' with the wife,
She lopped off his dong with the swipe of a knife.
Penis, that is.
Clean Cut. Missed his nuts.

Well, the next thing you know there's a Ginsu by his side,
And Lorena's in the car taken' Willie for a ride.
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend
And tossed him out of the window as she rounded a bend.
Curve, that is.
Tossed the nub. In the shrub.
She went to the cops and confessed to the attack,
And they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back.
They sniffed and they barked and they pointed "Over there"
To John Wayne's henry that was waving in the air.
Found, that is.
By a fence. Evidence.
Now peter and John couldn't stay apart more...