Donkey Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy walked into a bar one day and noticed a jar full of money on the counter.
He asked the bartender what it was for and the bartender replied that if he could go into the back and make the donkey laugh, he could have that jar of money.
So the guy walks in the back and a few minutes he comes out with the donkey laughing his head off. He gets his money and walks out.
The next day the same guy went to the same bar and noticed another jar of money sitting on the counter. The bartender, when asked, said that if he could go in the back and make the donkey cry, he could have that jar of money.
So the guy goes in the back and about 5 minutes later comes out with the donkey crying huge tears.
As the guy was about to leave, the bartender stopped him and asked him how he made the donkey laugh and cry.
The guy replied: The first time I told him I had a bigger pecker then he did, and the second time I proved it.

A truck driver moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer
for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The
next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, but I have some bad
news. The donkey died."
"Well, then, just give me my money back."
"Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
"OK, then. Just unload the donkey."
"What ya gonna do with him?"
"I'm going to raffle him off."
"You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
"Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."
A month later the farmer met up with the truck driver and asked, "What
happened with that dead donkey?"
"I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and I
made a profit of $898."
"Didn't anyone complain?"
"Sure, but just the guy who won. So I gave him back his two dollars."

One day, a man went to a nearby farm to buy some of the animals that were for sale there. He walked up to the farmer and said,"Hey, that's a nice donkey you got there. I think I'll take it." The farmer replied,"That's not a donkey, that's an ass." So, the man said,"Okay, then, I'll take the ass." Then he walked over to the chicken coup and said,"I like that chicken. I'll take it too." The farmer replied,"That is a pullet." So the man said,"Okay, I'll take the pullet." He was looking at a rooster and said,"Well, I guess I'll take the rooster, too." The farmer replied,"That's not a rooster, it's a cock." So they load the pullet and the cock into the back of the man's truck and tie the ass to the back. The man then pays the farmer as the farmer tells him,"Now, sometimes the ass gets a little stubborn and he stops. All you have to do is get out and scratch his back, and he'll go again." So the man more...

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignors advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:

1. Sip the Vodka don't gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples,not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated,not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.

8. David slew more...

SHARING A DONKEY
An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the
donkey and the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people
who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was
riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they
changed positions.
Later, they passed some people who remarked, "What a shame, he makes that
little boy walk." They then decided they both would walk!
Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk
when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey.
Now they passed some people who shamed them by saying how awful to put
such a load on a poor donkey. The boy and man said they were probably
right, so they decided to carry the donkey.
As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell
into the river and drowned.
The moral of the story; "If you try to more...

Two privates stationed at Fort Campbell were handed shovels
and told to bury a large, dead animal. While digging they
got into an argument about what they were burying.
"This here's a big mule!" "This ain't no mule, this here's
a donkey."
"Mule!"
"Donkey!"
Well, this went on for a while until the camp chaplain came by.
"What are you boys doing?"
"We're diggin' a grave for this mule."
"Donkey, dammit!"
The chaplain cut in, "Boys, this isn't either one, it's an ass!"
An hour later, the camp commander came up and said, "What are
you men doing, digging a foxhole?"
"No sir, we're diggin' an asshole."

There was an american who went to Mexico. He was walking around. He got tired so he stoped at this donkey renting place. He told the clerk he would like to rent a donkey. The clerk told him we dont call them donkeys here we call them asses. So he got an ass. The clerk also told him that to get them to go you have to scratch them. Later on he stoped to get a hotdog. He asked the clerk for one. The clerk said we dont call them hotdogs here we call them weiners. So he went a while then the ass stoped.He got off. The american saw this tourist he asked him if he could hold his weiner while he scratched his ass.