Donkey Jokes / Recent Jokes

Kenny, a city boy, moved to the country and purchased a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the following day.
The next morning, the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, son, but I have some bad news. The donkey died."
"Well, just return my money to me," Kenny said.
"Sorry, can't do that," said the farmer. "I already spent it."
"OK then, just unload the donkey," said Kenny.
"Whatcha gonna do with him?" asked the farmer.
"I'm going to raffle him off," Kenny replied.
"You can't raffle off a dead donkey!" the farmer exclaimed.
"Of course I can," replied Kenny. "Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he is dead."
A few weeks later, the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "So, what happened with the dead donkey?"
"I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of more...

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous that he could hardly speak. After mass, he asked the Monsignor how he had done.
The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
The next Sunday, he took the Monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon when he got nervous, he took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
Sip the vodka; don't gulp.
There are 10 commandments, not 12.
There are 12 disciples, not 10.
Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
Jacob wagered his donkey; he did not "bet his ass."
We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as daddy, junior, and the spook.
David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit outta him.
When David was hit more...

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third!
The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS. The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read: more...

One day a rich greedy man bougt a donkey from a poor man. the man explained:Amen to stop. alleluia to go. oh god to trot. the man didnt listen. the man went on the donkey and said "oh god, here we go." suddenly the donkey troted along. the rich man didnt know where he was going. the man was coming to a clif but didnt realise it. then he saw it and panicked. he tried saying "whow" and "stop donkey stop" but nothing worked. then he stated saying a prayer "in the name of the father, son, and holy spirit...Amen" and the donkey stoped. the man was so delighted he shouted at the top of his voice at the edge of the clif "ALLeluia..."

A team of archaeologists discovered a slab of rock with five figures carved on it, in the following order:
A Woman, A Donkey, A Shovel, A Fish, A Star of David.
Following months of study, the team leader took the rock on a lecture tour. He said that although the carvings were thousands of years old, they revealed a great deal about the people of that time.
The woman being placed first in the line of figures indicates that women were held in very high esteem - most likely a family oriented culture.
The donkey was probably used to till their fields. The shovel indicates they were highly intelligent, since they knew how to make tools. The fish reveals they knew how to augment the crops they raised by also reaping from the sea. The Star of David, of course, indicates they were a very religious group of people.
A little old man seated in the front row managed to get the speaker's attention. When acknowledged, he said, "I apologize for blowing your conclusions, more...

GOD created the DONKEY and told him, 'You will work tireless from sunrise up to sunset, carrying heavy bags on your back, you will eat grass. You will not have intelligence and you will live 50 years. You will be a DONKEY!'
The DONKEY answered, 'I will be a DONKEY, but living 50 years is too much, give me only 20 years!' and God gave him 20 years.
GOD created DOG and told him ' You will look after man's house, you will be his best friend, you will eat whatever they give you and you will live 25 years, You will be a DOG.'
The DOG answered 'GOD, living 25 years is too much, give only 10 years!' and GOD gave him 10 years.
GOD created the MONKEY and told him, 'you will jump from branch to branch, you will do silly things, you will be amusing and you will live 20 years, you will be a MONKEY!'
The MONKEY answered ' GOD, living 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years!' and GOD gave him 10 years.
Finally GOD created MAN and told him, 'you will be a MAN the only more...

A team of archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written on the wall of the cave were the following symbols in order of appearance:
1. A dog 2. A donkey 3. A shovel 4. A fish 5. A Star of David
They decided that this was a unique find and the writings were at least more than three thousand years old. They chopped out the piece of stone and had it brought to the museum where archaeologists from all over the world came to study the ancient symbols.
They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss what they could agree was the meaning of the markings. The President of their Society stood up and pointed at the first drawing and said, "This looks like a dog. We can judge that this was a highly intelligent race as they knew how to have animals for companionship. To prove this statement you can see that the next symbol resembles a donkey, so, they were even smart enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next drawing more...