Doorbell Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman decides that she's had it with trying to find a decent man in a bar. So she takes out an ad in the paper that says she is seeking a mate who is loyal, rich and a good lover. After a few days, her doorbell rings. She opens the door and sees a man in a wheelchair with no arms and no legs. He says, "I'm here about your ad."
Momentarily taken aback, she says, "Well, how do I know that you're loyal?"
"Well I saved my platoon from the Viet Cong in Vietnam. That's how I lost my arms and legs."
"Well, how do I know that you're rich?" she inquires.
He replies,"I make over three million dollars a year. I have my own software company. You can look at my bank statement".
Looking at him in his wheelchair, she demands "How do I know you're a good lover?"
He shrugs "I rang the doorbell didn't I?"

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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel that you have on."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars and leaves. Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower,
"Who was that?"
"It was Bob, the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the more...

A rich, lonely widow decided that she needed another man in her life, so she placed a personal ad that read:

RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE WITH THE FOLLOWING QUALIFICATIONS:

1. WON'T BEAT ME UP
2. WON'T RUN AWAY
3. HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED

For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was ringing constantly, she received tons of mail, etc., all to no avail. None of the men seemed to meet her qualifications.

Then one day the doorbell rang yet again. She opened the door to find a man, with no arms and no legs, lying on the welcome mat. Perplexed, she asked, "Who are you and what do you want?"

"Hi," said the man "Your search is over, for I am the man of your dreams. I've got no arms, so I can't beat you up and I've got no legs, so I can't run away."

The old woman asked, "What makes you think you're so great in bed?"

To which more...

A woman puts an ad in the paper for a husband. In her ad she includes the three
things that she's looking for in a husband:
She wants a man who won't beat her.
She wants a man that won't leave her.
She wants a really great lover.
A few days later the doorbell rings. The woman opens the door to find a man with
no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair on her porch. She says, "How may I help
you?"
He replies that he is there to answer her ad in the paper.
She says, "Oh, but I am looking for a man that won't beat me."
He replies, "I have no arms. How can I beat you?"
She says, "Ok, but I want someone who won't leave me."
And he replies, "I have no legs and if you take away my wheelchair I can't even
move. How could I leave you?"
She nods her head and says, "Well, what I really want is a great lover."
The man looks at her and says, "Lady, how do you think I rang the more...

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very smallboy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him toreach. After watching the boys efforts for some time, the priest moves closer tothe boys position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives thedoorbell a sold ring. Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently andasks, "And now what, my little man?" To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"