Doors Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy.
"Where the hell have you been all night?" she demands.
"At this new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor and even the urinal's gold!"
The wife still doesn't believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her husband's story. "Is this the Golden Saloon?" she asks when the bartender answers the phone.
"Yes it is," bartender answers. "Do you have huge golden doors?"
"Sure do."
"Do you have golden floors?"
"Most certainly do."
"What about golden urinals?"
There's a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, "Hey, Duke, I think more...

A Tennessee graduate and a Bama graduate decided to rob a bank together. The Bama man plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the UT guy extensively.

The robbery begins. The Bama man drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to the Vol, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?"

"Perfectly," said the Vol.

The Vol goes in the bank while the Bama man waits in the getaway car.

One minute passes. . . Two minutes pass. . . Seven minutes pass and the Bama guy is really stressing out.

Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here comes the Vol. He's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car. About the time he gets the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out. The guard's pants and underwear are more...

Effective immediately, a toilet policy will be established which will provide a more consistent method of accounting for staff, ensuring effective time management and equal treatment for all.
On the first day of every month, all staff members will be issued twenty toilet trip tickets which may be accumulated.
All toilet doors will be equipped with computer-linked voice recognition devices. All staff must immediately provide management with two voiceprints, one normal and one under stress.
Once an employee's toilet trip bank reaches zero, the toilet doors will not unlock for the employee's voice until the 1st of the month.
Additionally, all cubicles are to be equipped with timed paper-roll extractors. Should the toilet be occupied for more than three minutes, an alarm will sound. Thirty seconds later, the roll of toilet paper will retract into the dispenser, the toilet will flush and the door will automatically open.
If the toilet remains occupied, your photograph more...

Q: What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon? A: They go on peck-nics! Q: What do chickens serve at birthday parties? A: Coop-cakes! Q: What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? A: An eggroll! Q: What do you call the outside of a hand gren-egg? A: The bombshell! Q: What does an alarm cluck say? A: "Tick-tock-a-doodle-doo!" Q: Why does a chicken coop have two doors? A: Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan! Q: How long do chickens work? A: Around the cluck! Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To prove to the possum that it could be done! Q: Why did the turkey cross the road? A: To prove he wasn't chicken! Q: Why did the rooster cross the road? A: To cockadoodle dooo something!

Rothsay, Scotland - Three bozos were on their way to attempt to rob the local branch of the Bank of Scotland. Their problems began at the front door, which they had trouble negotiating. In a scene that sounds as though it should have come from an old Three Stooges episode, the three somehow managed to get themselves stuck in the revolving doors and had to be freed by bank staff. At this point they sheepishly left the building to regroup.

They then entered the bank a second time, getting past the doors and going straight for the teller, who recognized them and just laughed when they demanded money. To show her he meant business, one of the bozos jumped onto the counter but slipped and fell to the floor, clutching his badly sprained ankle.

Seeing that things were going downhill fast, the other two bozos headed for the door. Yes, that door. And yes, they got stuck in it again. And they succeeded in remaining stuck there until the police arrived.

One day while walking down the street a highly successful HR director was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St Peter himself. “Welcome to Heaven, ” said St Peter. “Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we’ve never once had a human resources director make it this far and we’re not really sure what to do with you. ” “No problem, just let me in, ” said the woman. “Well, I’d like to, ” replied St Peter, “but I have higher orders. What we’re going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in. ” “Actually, I think I’ve made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven, ” said the woman. “Sorry, we have rules…” And with that St Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell. The doors opened and she found herself stepping out more...

One day while walking down the street a highly successful partner in a law firm was fatally stuck by a bus. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was greated at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, oddly enough, we've never once had an law firm partner make it this far and we're not quite sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind... I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman.

"Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the law partner in an express elevator to hell.

The doors more...