Double Jokes / Recent Jokes
A small balding man stormed into a local bar one evening and demanded, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got! I'm so pissed off I can't even see straight!" The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a DOUBLE.
The man swilled down the drink and demanded, "Gimme another ONE!" The bartender pours the drink, but said, "Now, before I give you this, why don't you let off a little steam and tell me WHY you're so upset?"
So the man begins his tale: "Well, I am a salesman for this fancy goose pillows. I got an order and took several samples to an apartment in this neighbourhood. I knock on the door and this woman opens the door. Now, the lady can't make up her mind, so she asks me to take the samples to the bedroom and check them there. As I get into the bedroom I hear some keys jingling, and SOMEONE starts fumbling with the door."
"Well, the woman says,' Oh my god, more...
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This guy staggers into a bar and shouts, “A double whisky please barman, and a drink for everyone here… and while you’re at it, have one yourself. ”
“Well thank you sir, ” says the barman and proceeds to pour everyone their drinks.
Moments later the guy shouts, “Another whisky for me, and the same again for everyone else. ”
The bartender looks a little worried now and says, “Excuse me sir, but don’t you think you should pay me for that last round first? ”
The guy slurs, “I can’t. I don’t have any money. ” With this the bartender flies into a rage and literally throws the guy out of the bar.
About twenty minutes later though the guy staggers back in and shouts out, “A double whisky for me, and a drink for all my friends. ”
“I suppose you’ll be offering me a drink too? ” the barman asks, marvelling at the guy’s nerve.
“Not likely, ” slurs the guy, “you get nasty when you’ve had a drink! ”
DURING his stay in Sohna, Haryana, the Opposition leader felt he needed a haircut and sent for a local barber. At the end of the operation, the barber demanded a price double that of the usual charge. "I have so little hair on my head," complained Raja Sahib. "Why are you charging so much?"
The Haryanvi nai replied: "Double charge kaatnay ka rta laiven baal dhoondhna ka leiven sai (I am not charging you double for cutting but looking for your hair)."
A man sat down at a bar, looked into his shirt pocket, and ordered a double scotch.
A few minutes later, the man again peeked into his pocket and ordered another double. This routine was followed for some time, until after looking into his pocket, he told the bartender that he’s had enough.
The bartender said, “I’ve got to ask you - what’s with the pocket business? ”
The man replied, “I have my lawyer’s picture in there. When he starts to look honest, I’ve had enough. ”
In July, Diane Parker accompanied her husband, Richard W. Parker, (who had been accused of drug trafficking) to federal court in Los Angeles.
According to friends, Diane was so supportive that she had come prepared to put up her investment property and her mother's townhouse to make Richard's bail.
However, the prosecutor began reciting to the judge facts about Richard's double life that included a mistress and a safe house, and Diane's expression changed dramatically.
She removed her wedding ring with a flourish, walked out of court, immediately drove to an Orange County office where the mistress worked, and punched her several times before being restrained.