Dreadful Jokes

there were three nuns waiting at the gates of hevan.
St jhon who was standing there said this is the time to confess your sins and i promise you will be forgiven.
so the first nun walks up and says ive been dreadful, yesterday i robbed a bank, what should i do?
st jhon replied go drink from the holy water then i shall let you pass into hevan
so she went off
then the second nun walked up and said ive been terrible, i slept with a man last night, what shall i do?
go and drink from the holy water said jhon
then the final nun walked up and said ive been absoutly dreadful
what did you do, said jhon
i....er...peed in the holy water

After his Sunday morning service, Father O'Grady was saying his goodbyes to the parishioners when Mary Clancey came up to him in tears.
"What is the matter with you, dear?" asked the Father.
"Oh Father," sobbed Mary, "I have some dreadful news."
"What is it, Mary?" the Father inquired.
"Last night my husband passed away, Father," declared Mary.
"Oh, Mary," the Father said, "that is dreadful news. Tell me dear, did he have any last requests?"
"Actually, yes he did," replied Mary.
"What did he ask, Mary?" Father O'Grady said.
"He said, 'Mary, please Mary, put the gun down.'" Mary replied.

' I'd like you to be very quiet today, boys and girls. I've got a dreadful headache.'
' Excuse me,' said Alec,' why don't you do what mum does when she has a headache?'
' What's that? '
' She sends us out to play.'

Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I had a DREADFUL fight!"
"Calm down, my child," said the minister, "it's not half as bad as you think. Every marriage has to have its first fight!"
"I know, I know!" said Joanna. "But what am I going to do with the BODY?"

The Immense Consequences
The death under any circumstances of a member of the Royal Family would be
a cause for sadness. Had anyone made a list of those whose death might
have been anticipated, Princess Diana's name would have been last on it,
hence the worldwide shock and outpouring of grief: disbelief, anger,
analysis, sadness and perhaps the reluctant beginnings of acceptance.
Strong emotions would have been triggered had any Royal been even slightly
injured in an accident. The sudden, total loss of Diana, Princess of
Wales in a violent car crash is one of the greatest national tragedies to
befall Britain since the Second World War.
The memory of August 31, 1997 will long remain in people's minds: first
we saw the gruesome wreckage of the Mercedes after hitting an underpass
wall at high speed following a reckless chase through Paris from the Place
Vendome to the Pont De L'Alma. By strange twists of fate, the more...