Dress Jokes / Recent Jokes
The wife of a friend of ours purchased a rather large grandfather clock at an auction and then sent her unhappy husband to pay for it and carry the damn thing home.
To make matters worse, the husband had been to a formal dinner earlier in the evening and was still wearing his full dress suit. He was having some difficulty with the unwieldy mechanism even before he met the drunk staggering in the opposite direction.
They collided and the husband fell backward to the sidewalk, the clock on top of him.
"Why in blazes don't you watch where you're going!" the angry husband demanded.
The drunk shook his head dazedly, looked at the man in the full dress suit and at the grandfather clock that lay across him.
"Why don't you wear a wrish watch like everybody elsh?" he inquired.
Our Pastor likes to use humorous stories to underline points in his sermon. This one was so good that most of us missed the rest of the sermon because we were writing it down.
It's a couple of days before a big wedding. The Bride comes up with some bad news for her mother: she's found out that the young Step-Mother of the Groom has bought the exact same dress to wear to the Wedding that she (the mother of the Bride) is planning to wear.
The Bride's Mother tells her not to worry because she will just go and buy another dress to wear to the ceremony.
"But mother," asks the Bride, "What will you do with the dress that you've already bought?"
"Well," says mom, "I'll just wear it to the rehearsal dinner."
Mrs. Morris Siegel beckoned to a salesman in Bergdorf Goodman's, pointed to white wool designer dress on a mannequin, and said, "Hey Sonny boy, so how much is the dress on that store dummy over there?"
"That dress is $899. 95, Madam," sneered the rather snotty salesman.
"Oy! For $99. 95 I could get the same dress at S. Klein's downtown!"
"But Madam," said the salesman, "You'll find that the dress at Klein's is recycled wool. This original is 100% pure virgin wool."
"Nu! So for $800 I should be caring what the lambs do at night?" she laughed.
An old woman went to visit her daughter and she found her naked, waiting for her husband.
The mother asks the daughter: “what are you doing naked? ” The daughter responds: ”This is the dress of love. ”
When the mother returns home, She strips naked and waits for her husband.
When her husband arrives, he asks her: “what are you doing naked, woman? ”
She responds: “This is the dress of love. ”
And he said to her: “Well, go iron it. ”
Differences Between Men & Women NICKNAMES: If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle. But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless. EATING OUT: And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22. 50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators. BATHROOMS: A man has six items in his bathroom-a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items. GROCERIES: A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left more...
DAY 1:
one day a little girl wanted to go to the park to jump rope and when she got there a boy asked her to climb up the tree to get his ball she did this and then went home
when so got home she said
GIRL: mommy today at the park I climbed the tree and got the ball for the boys
MOTHER: you should not do that in a dress!
GIRL: why mommy?
MOTHER: because all the boys want is to see your underwear!
DAY 2:
when the girl woke up the next day she got dressed and went to the park she had just started to jumprope when a boy asked her to climb the tree to get his ball so she did and then went home when she got home she said to her mother
GIRL: mommy i got the ball out of the tree for the boys again today
MOTHER: I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT THEY JUST WANT TO SEE YOUR UNDERWEAR!
DAY 3:
after getting yelled at by her mother the little girl said those boys will never see my underwear every again so she went to the park and started to jump rope in her more...
by Robert Chen
You should not attempt any these things. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
21. When they're not looking, empty your bladder into an empty glass. Show contents to everyone and say, "This apple juice tastes funny. Here. Try some."
22. Every time someone takes a bite of their food, laugh uncontrollably. Stop suddenly and warn everyone not to laugh. Then take a bite of yours while giving everyone an evil eye.
23. Get a friend. Practice weightlifting tables. If people complain, weightlift them.
24. Get some clean plates and empty glasses. Sit down and stare them down.
25. During the meal, yell out, "Oh my gosh! It's still alive!" Grab your knife and start hacking at the meat.
26. Dress in clothes with lots of pockets. When you're in the dining hall, stuff them with all the food you can find. Waddle out of the dining hall, but on the way out, remark how the dining hall never has enough food.
27. more...