Driver Jokes / Recent Jokes

A judge was annoyed to find that his car wouldn't start. He called a taxi, and soon one arrived at his house. Climbing in, he told the driver to take him to the halls of justice. "Where are they," asked the driver." You mean to say that you don't know where the courthouse is?" asked the incredulous judge." The courthouse? Of course I know where that is." replied the driver. "But I thought you said you wanted to go to the' halls of justice.'"

Rush Limbaugh and his driver are cruising down a country road one day in the limo. Suddenly, out of no where, a pig rushes in front of the car. The driver can't stop in time or swerve and he hits the pig, killing it instantly.

They see a farm house just ahead on the side of the road and assume that the pig belongs to the farmer who lives there. Rush says,' Pull up there and go in and tell them that you have run over their pig. Be careful that you don't get them upset. You know how they feel about their animals.'

The driver does as he is told, stopping in front of the farm house and going up to the door. He knocks on the door and is admitted inside.

Three hours later, the driver finally comes out with a smile and a wave to the farmer and his family. Rush says to the driver as he gets in,' What the hell happened to you? You've been gone for six hours!'

'Well,' the driver says,' I went in and told them. The farmer ushered me to a chair and more...

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer see's a car puttering along at 22 MPH.

He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle more...

A car speeding down the highway loses control, goes through a guard rail, rolls down a cliff, bounces off a tree, lands upside down and finally stops, wheels spinning in the air, smoke and steam pouring out from under the hood. A passing motorist, who witnessed the entire accident, helps the miraculously unharmed driver out of the wreck. "Good Lord Mister, he gasps, are you drunk?" "Of course!," says the man, brushing the dirt from his suit. "What the hell do you think I am? A stunt driver or something?"

Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?A: Because she got an F in sex.

A truck driver picks up a woman hitch hiker on the side o the road.
He pulls over on the side of the road a few blocks down and the woman asks him what he is doing? He asks her if she wants to have sex? She says "I can't I'm on my period."
He says "That doesn't matter."
So they get in the back of the cab and he is eating her out.
A police officer drives by and sees the truck rocking.
So he gets out and knocks on the door of the truck.
The truck driver opens the door and asks if he can help the officer.
The officer asks him what he is doing? He says liking his fingers "Eating Pizza!"

An Amish man named Smith was injured when he and his horse was struck by a car at an intersection. Smith sued the driver. In court, he was cross-examined by the driver's lawyer:
Lawyer: "Mr. Smith, you've told us all about your injuries. But according to the accident report, you told the investigating officer at the scene that you were not injured at all?"
Smith: Well, let me explain. When the officer arrived at the scene, he first looked at my horse. He said' Looks like he has a broken leg,' and then he took out his gun and shot the horse. He then came up to me and asked me how I was doing. I of course immediately said "I'm fine!"