Drop Jokes / Recent Jokes

An Italian, an American, and a Polak were captured by the French for various crimes and are taken to the Guillotine. The executioner places the Italian on the block and asks if he has any last words. The Italian replies, "I pray to the Virgin Mary that I may live." They drop the blade it it stops a mere inch above the Italian's neck. Amazed, the French let him go. Next, the American is put in position and asked if he has any final words. He replies, "In the name of Jesus Christ, please have mercy." They drop the blade, and again it stops just an inch from the American's neck. In disbelief, they let him go free. Then the Polak is placed on the block, and they ask if he has any last words. He says, "Yeah. You've got a knot in your rope."

Q: Why are organists like a broken-winded cab horse? A: They are always longing for another stop. Q: Why are a organist's fingers like lightning? A: Because they rarely strike the same place twice. Q: What do you get if you throw a piano down a mine shaft? A: A flat miner. Q: What do you get if you drop an organ on an army base? A: A flat major. Q: Why is an 11-foot concert grand better than a studio upright? A: It makes a louder noise, when you drop it off a cliff. Q: Why was the organ invented? A: So the musician would have a place to put his beer. Q: What does a German Hammond organist do in his life's most tender moments? A: He puts his Leslie on "slow". The organ is the instrument of worship for in its sounding we sense the majesty of God and in its ending we know the Grace of God.

( I know some people may not consider this a joke but it is still funny, the results at the bottom are funny to! ENJOY!)
Intelligence Test Instructions:
Write each of your answers down, it makes a difference! You will be allowed 10 minutes to complete the test. Write your answers in the spaces provided. Are you ready? What is the time?
Start.
1) Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days? ____________________
2) If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills had been taken? ____________________
3) I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being awoken by the alarm? ____________________
4) Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get? ____________________
5) A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live more...

Start asking her questions (don`t mistakenly do anything) about cooking, cleaning, and laundry. Say, "I think it`s time I learn to take care of myself. You know, just in case."

Volunteer to cook for her. Make sure it`s real greasy. Use every pot and pan in the house and be sure you spill and/or drop some of everything everywhere.

While brushing your teeth, flick the toothbrush first at the sink and then at the mirror.

Never ask her to get you something from the kitchen when she`s in the kitchen. Let her spend a good 30 minutes in there and when she reaches the sofa with a sigh of relief say, "Will you PLEASE do me a big favor and get me a beer, my back is just killing me today.

Be sure to load up all your pockets with tissues before you drop them in the clothes hamper.

Leave yourself a trail of clothing, towels, dishes, and everything else you put your hands on. This will ensure you never lose your more...

What is the difference between a patriot and a virgin?
A patriot fights until his last drop of blood.
A virgin fights until her first drop of blood.

1. Extend your open palm under the stall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
2. Cheer and clap loudly each time someone breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
3. Say, "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."
4. Drop a marble and say, "Shit! My glass eye!"
5. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
6. Say, "Damn, this water is cold."
7. Grunt and strain loudly for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place. Sigh relaxingly.
8. Say, "Hummus. Reminds me of hummus."
9. Say, "Now how did that get there?"
10. Fill a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall wall of your neighbor while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"
11. Say, "Hmmm... interesting... more sinkers than floaters."
12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop more...

There was a fly siting on a leaf and was very hot. He said to himself if i drop 3 inches i could cool off by the mist from the lake. There was a fish in the water that said to himself, if the fly drops 3 inches then i can eat it. There was a bear in the woods beside the lake that said to himself, if the fly drops 3 inches, the fish will jump out the water and i can eat it. There was a hunter that said to himself, if the fly drops 3 inches the fish will jump out the water and the bear will step out into the opening and i can shoot it and have a real meal instead of this cheese sandwich. Its almost over. There was a mouse that was below the hunter that said to himself, if the fly drops 3 inches then the fish will jump out the water, the bear will eat the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, and I can run off with the cheese sandwich. Last one. There was a cat that was behind the mouse that said to himself, if the fly drops three inches, the fish will jump out the water and eat it, the more...