Drove Jokes / Recent Jokes

Banta was driving back from Shimla when there was a terrible hailstorm. Huge hailstones the size of tennis balls pelted his car leaving it full of dents.
He drove to the nearby automotive center and asked what he should do. The mechanic explained what needed to be done and that it would cost at least Rs 5,000 to repair. Banta said that was too much and asked if there was some other way to fix it.
He decided to have a little fun and said, "Well you could blow into the tail pipe real hard and they might pop back out."
Banta decided to give it a try before spending that much money. He drove home and was in the garage with his lips wrapped around the exhaust pipe when his neighbour Santa came over to visit.
"What are you doing?" asked Santa.
"I'm blowing into the tailpipe real hard to pop all these dents out of my car," explained Banta.
"Well silly, it's not going to work," replied Santa.
"Why not?" asked more...

A young couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the husband sarcastically asked, "Are they relatives of yours?" "Yes," his wife replied. "I married into the family."

Peter says, "Now, to get into Heaven you have to answer a simple question. How many years were you married and did you ever cheat on your wife?"The first man says, "Well, I was married 45 years and I cheated on my wife 10 times.""Okay, since you were so good you get this car, not the best not the worst." The first man drove away in his car.The second man steps up and shrugged, "I was married 35 years and only cheated on her twice." "Okay, here's your car, not the best, not the worst." And the second man drove off.The third man stepped up and said proudly, "I was married 75 years and I never cheated on my wife.""Wow, okay, here's your car, the very best." And the third man drove off in the best car.Two days later the three men meet up again. The third man is crying. "What's wrong?" they ask him."I just saw my wife." he says. "And she was driving a skateboard."

The following are actual statements found in insurance forms where drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest words.

Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.
A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother- in-law, and headed over the embankment.
I attempted to kill a fly, and I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been driving for forty years, when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble and my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.
To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the more...

There was a farmer who was very protective of his daughters. Before every date, he would meet the young man at the porch with his shotgun, and if he didn't measure up, he'd make sure they left.
One day all three of his daughters were going out on the same night. The first young man drove up and approached the porch.
"Hi, my name is Joe, I'm here to get Flo, we're going to the show, is she ready to go?" The farmer liked this guy, and let him leave with his daughter.
Shortly, the next guy drove up and approached the porch. "Hi, my name is Freddy, I'm here to get Betty, we're going for spaghetti, is she ready?" The farmer liked this guy too, and let him leave with his second daughter.
Soon the third guy drove up and approached the porch.
"Hi, my name is Chuck..." and the farmer shot him.

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen."
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, then stopped at the bank to make a deposit. He went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the checkbook.
Then it was already 1 P. M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, then sweep and mop the kitchen floor. He ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way more...

Reggie owned an elephant, but the cost of feeding it was getting out of hand. Then he got an idea. He had seen elephants lift one leg, and even two legs. Once in a circus he'd even seen an elephant lift three legs in the air and stand on just one.
So Reggie announced to the world that he'd pay ten thousand dollars to anyone who could make his elephant stand in the air on no legs. However, each person who wanted to try would have to pay a hundred dollars.
People came from near and far. They tried everything from coaxing to hypnotism, but no one could make the elephant rise up in the air.
Then one day a blue convertible drove up and a little man got out and addressed Reggie: "Is it true that you'll pay ten thousand dollars if I make your elephant get off all four legs?"
"Yes," Reggie said, "but you've got to pay one hundred dollars to try."
The little man handed Reggie a hundred-dollar bill. Then he went back to he car and took out a more...