Drove Jokes / Recent Jokes
An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull." Buddy didn't move. Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull." Buddy didn't respond. Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Jennie, pull." Nothing. Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull." And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch. The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"
Rigby drove into the city with his girl to catch their first play at a theater. Rigby rushed up to the box office and said, "Gimme two tickets for tonights show." "Sorry," said the box office attendant. "There are no seats left. We have only two standing rooms left." "Well, Ill be hog tied! Only two left in standing room!" said the farm boy. "Are they together?"
It seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldnt walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before an accident in the opposite lane took his attention to more important matters. The inebriated driver, figuring that the trooper wasnt coming back to him, drove home and went to bed. he was awakened in the morning by a knock at the door, created by two more state troopers."Are you Mr. Johnson?" the asked? He admitted that he was."Were you pulled over at Main Street last night for driving under the influence?" Again, the man admitted that was he."And what did you do then," the troopers asked." The man replied that he drove his car home and went to bed."Where is your car now?" the t roopers enquired. The man answered that it was in the garage."May we see the more...
One day, little Johnny was walking to school with his pet 2 turtles for show and tell. While he was on his way, a truck drove by and startled him. Johnny dropped the turtles and the truck ran them over killing both of them instantly. Johnny went along to school anyway. When the class all finished doing their show and tell projects, the teacher finally called on Johnny, “Johnny, where is your show and tell for today? ” Johnny replied, “Well teacher it’s like this, I was walking to school with my pet turtles and a truck drove by and scared me. I dropped the turtles and the truck ran his ass right over ‘em and killed ‘em! ” His teacher was in shock and very sternly stated, “Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language in school. We say rectum. ” Johnny said, “Rectum…it damn killed ‘em! ”
I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building... I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turned to the other and said, "See, that's how it's done."
I was going to commit suicide the other day, but I must not have been serious because I brought a beach towel.
I got into an elevator at work and this man followed in after me... I pushed "1" and he just stood there... I said, "Hi, where you going?" He said, "Phoenix." So I pushed Phoenix. A few seconds later the doors opened, two tumbleweeds blew in... We were in downtown Phoenix. I looked at him and said, "You know, you're the kind of guy I want to hang around with." We got into his car and drove out to his shack in the desert. Then the phone rang. He said, "You get it." I picked it up and said, "Hello?"... The other side said, "Is this more...
Two police officers saw this old woman staggering down the street, stopping her they can tell she has had far too much to drink and instead of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home.
They loaded her into the police cruiser one of the officers gets in the back with the drunk woman. As they drove through the streets they kept asking the woman where she lived, all she would say as she stroked the officers arm is "Your Passionate."
They drove awhile longer and asked again, but again the same response as she stroked his arm, "Your Passionate." The officers were getting a little upset so they stopped the car and said to the woman, Look we have driven around this City for two hours and you still haven't told us where you live.
She replied I keep trying to tell you: "Your Passin It!"
Most people assume WWJD is for? What would Jesus do?? But the initials really standfor? What would Jesus drive??One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because? the Bible says God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury.?But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges theLord to? pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm.?Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses` followers are warned not to go up a mountain? until the Ram`s horn sounds a long blast.?Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn`t like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John`sgospel where Christ tells the crowd,? For I did not speak of my own Accord.?Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passagedeclaring,? the roar of Moses` Triumph is heard in the hills.?Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler:? Joshua`s Triumph washeard more...