Drown Jokes

A Mother-in-law decides to see if her three son-in-law's love her or at least appreciate her...
The next day while strolling along the river with her first son-in-law, she lets herself fall into the water and starts to drown.
Without hesitation, the son-in-law jumps in the river and saves his mother-in-law.
The next day, in front of his house, he finds a new car, a City Honda, with a little note on the windshield: Thank-you on behalf of your mother-in-law.
She undertakes the same scenario with her second eldest son-in-law. This one too, dives into the river and saves his mother-in-law. The next day, he too, in front of his house, finds a new car: the same City Honda with a little note on the windshield: Thank-you on behalf of your mother-in-law.
The same scenario occurs with the third son-in-law, she falls in the water and starts to drown. He watches his mother-in-law drown while thinking to himself: I've been waiting a long time for this!
The next day, in more...

One day there was this preacher and he was having his usual sermon when all of a sudden it started raining, really, really, hard!!! After about 1 full hour of complete non-stop rain, they started making evacuations because the whole church was flooding, but the preacher just stood there in the ankle-deep water.
A guy in a car came up to him and said. "Preacher, Preacher you better get in here before you drown!"
But the preacher just replied "Don't worry God will save me."
The man then said "Whatever!" and drove away.
The water was now knee-deep and a guy in a raft came over to the Preacher and said "Preacher, Preacher you better get in here before you drown!"
Despite the second warning the Preacher just stood there and replied "Don't worry God will save me."
The man then said "Whatever!!" and rowed away in the orange raft.
The water was now waist-deep and a guy in a power boat came to the Preacher more...

10 Things People Around the World Learn About Americans by Watching Baywatch1. American men and women spend 15 percent of their days running in slow motion along the beach.2. Americans almost drown an average of two times each hour.3. Despite the habit of breathing water, CPR always works and no one actually dies, except from cancer.4. People in the U.S. look thoughtfully at the ocean for an average of 15 seconds after being told anything of any importance.5. Americans never worry about getting enough to eat, but fat people are unreliable and sometimes evil.6. Most American women have abnormally large breasts that are worshipped via close-ups for an average of two minutes and thirteen seconds per hour.7. When swimming in California, you are more likely to be attacked by jewel thieves or taken hostage by terrorists than you are to drown.8. Most activity that takes place off the beach occurs in montages and lasts no longer than two minutes.9. Although Americans, especially lifeguards, more...

Q. How do you drown a blonde?
A. Put a scratch' n sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

There's a guy who owns a parrot which never talks. So he goes to the pet shop to get some advice. The pet shop owner says he knows exactly what the problem is. "Your parrot has too much hook in it's beak, what you have to do is file its beak back and it will be able to talk just fine. You've got to be careful not to file it too far though, because if you take too much off the bird will drown the first time it has a drink." The parrot owner asks how much the pet shop guy charges to do this beak modification and he says $100. So the parrot fancier decides he'll do it himself. A week or so later they bump into one another in the street. The pet shop guy enquires how the parrot is and whether it is talking yet? The parrot owner says, "The parrot is dead." Pet shop guy says, "I told you not to file the beak back too far, did he drown when he had a drink?" Ex-parrot owner says, "Heck no, he was dead before I got him out of the vice."