Lifeguard Jokes

Patrick, who was vacationing in the Bahamas couldn't seem to make it with any of the girls. So he asked the local lifeguard for some advice. "Mate, it's obvious," says the lifeguard, "you're wearing them old baggy swimming trunks that make ya look like an old geezer. They're years outta style. Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos - about two sizes too small - and drop a fist-sized potato down inside 'em. I'm tellin' ya man... you'll have all the babes ya want!"The following weekend, Patrick hits the beach with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato. Everybody on the beach was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, laughing, looking sick! So he went back to the lifeguard again and asked him, "What's wrong now?" "Damn, Mate!" said the lifeguard, "The potato goes in front!!"

Patrick, who was vacationing in the Bahamas couldn't seem to make it with any of the girls. So he asked the local lifeguard for some advice.

"Mate, it's obvious," says the lifeguard, "you're wearing them old baggy swimming trunks that make ya look like an old geezer. They're years outta style. Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos - about two sizes too small - and drop a fist-sized potato down inside' em. I'm tellin' ya man... you'll have all the babes ya want!"

The following weekend, Patrick hits the beach with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato. Everybody on the beach was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, laughing, looking sick!

So he went back to the lifeguard again and asked him, "What's wrong now?" "Damn, Mate!" said the lifeguard, "The potato goes in front!!"

a irishman went to a beach in Austarlia but he never seemed to make it with any girls so he decided to ask the local lifeguard for help." how do i get all the girls to be attracted to me"? asked the irishman."well" said the lifeguard." go and buy a pair of speedos 2 sizes to small and put a fist sized potato inside them. so the next day the irishman came back with his speedos and his potato. every body stared and laughed at him. so the irishman decided to ask the lifeguard why everyone was looking at him. whilst laughing the lifeguard said. " you are supposed to put the potato in the front not the back"!!!

Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool.
"You're not allowed to pee in the pool," says the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you."
"But everyone pees in the pool," whined Little Johnny.
"Maybe," answered the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!"

The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool.

"Everyone knows," the mother lectured him, "that from time to time, young children will urinate in a pool."

"Oh really?" said the lifeguard, "from the diving board!?!?"