Lifeguard Jokes / Recent Jokes
The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool." Everyone knows," the mother lectured him, "that from time to time, young children will urinate in a pool!""Oh really?" said the lifeguard, "from the diving board?!"
The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool.
"Everyone knows," the mother lectured him, "that from time to time, young children will urinate in a pool."
"Oh really?" said the lifeguard, "from the diving board!?!?"
Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool.
"You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you."
"But everyone pees in the pool," said Little Johnny.
"Maybe," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!"
John liked to frequent the Newfoundland beaches but never able to attract the girls. He decided to ask his friend Garge the lifeguard for advice.
It's them big baggy swimming trunks that make ya look like an old fish. They're years outta style. Your best bet is to grab yrself a pair of Speedos -' bout two sizes too small, and drop a fist-sized potato down inside them. I'm tellin' ya bye, you'll have all the babes you want!
The following weekend, John hits the beach with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potatoe. Everybody on the beach is disgusted as he walks by, covering their faces snickering, turning away, most laughing, some even looking a little sick!
John goes back to Garge the lifeguard and asks him, "What the devil is wrong now?
"Lard-Tunderin Jeezus Bye!"said Garge, "the potato goes in the front!"
1) Stand on top of the high board and say you won't come down until your demands are met.
2) Tell the lifeguards that they aren't doing their jobs because you have seen at least 15 people kind of almost drown today.
3) Ask people if they have seen your pet shark.
4) Sit in the baby pool and play with the toys.
5) Take a flutter board and pretend you can't swim.
6) Hit strangers with your flutter board.
7) Ask an attractive lifeguard to practice CPR on you.
8) Sit in front of a water jet, make moaning sounds and say,' 'Oh yeah... oooh that feels soooo good....''
9) Sit on the top of the water slide and don't move.
10) Swim near someone and go' 'Shoot! I knew I shouldn't have had so much lemonade before I came here.''
11) Insist that you saw a monster at the bottom of the pool.
12) Pretend to drown and then when someone tries to help you, say' 'HA-HA, fooled you!''
13) Scream as someone is jumping off of a diving more...
Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool.
"You're not allowed to pee in the pool," says the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you."
"But everyone pees in the pool," whined Little Johnny.
"Maybe," answered the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!"
A boy was at a public pool. The lifeguard blew his whistle at the boy and yelled, ''Hey! Don't pee in the pool!'' The boy replied, ''But everybody does it!'' ''Not from the diving board!'' shouted the lifeguard.