Drugs Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man was on trial for selling drugs, and a neighbor was called as a witness.
The defense attorney asked, "Did you ever get any cocaine or other drugs from the defendant?"
"No sir." answered the man.
"Did you ever get any from his wife?"
"No sir."
"Did you ever get any from his daughters?"
"Uh... excuse me sir," the witness said, "but we're still talking about drugs here, right?"

Two young men were arrested for smoking marijuana and went before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men. I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court on Monday."
Come Monday, the judge asked the first young man how he did over the weekend. "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"Seventeen people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?"
"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles on a piece of paper - one the size of a silver dollar and the other the size of a dime. I told them, 'The big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs.'"
"That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?"
"Your honor," the second young man began, "I more...

Whats hell reaally like???
One day a guy died and found himself in hell. As he was wallowing in despair, he had his first meeting with a demon. The demon asked, "Why so glum?"
The guy responded, "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
"Hell's not so bad," the demon said. "We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?"
"Sure," the man said, "I love to drink."
"Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet Tab and Fresca. We drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!"
The guy is astounded. "Damn, that sounds great."
"You a smoker?" the demon asked.
"You better believe it!"
"You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, no biggie. You're already dead, more...

Two young men were picked up by the police for smoking dope and appeared before the judge on Friday.
"You seem like nice young men," the judge said, "and rather than sentence you to jail time, I would like to give you a second chance. This weekend, I want you to go out and show others the evils of drug use and persuade them to give up drugs forever. I will see you both back in court on Monday."
Monday morning they both returned to court. The judge asked the first young man, "How did you do over the weekend?"
"Well, your Honor, I persuaded 23 people to give up drugs forever," he replied.
"23 people? That's wonderful! What did you tell them?" asked the judge.
"I used a diagram, your honor," he explained. "I drew two circles like this:
O o
and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs, and this (the small circle) is your brain after drugs."
"That's very more...

Are you bewildered by the fluctuations in the stock market. If so, you are not alone. The answer is really simple. The market has nothing to do with the profitability of a firm. It has only to do with the expectations of investors as to what future profitability might be.
Take the meteoric rise and abrupt fall in Merck stock recently. As you probably know Merck is an old established chemical and drug company which has always been profitable. They are a leader in cardiac (Vasotec, Hydrodiuril) and arthritic (Decadron, Indocin) drugs. Their growth has been stabile but not spectacular. So why the sudden changes in their stock.
Well, it seems that Merck researchers have developed a breakthrough drug in the treatment of depression, especially effective in the depression common in adolescent women. This new drug, dihydromethylfluxotine or the brand name proposed, Ufouria, has been undergoing extensive double blind studies in the United States and Sweden and preliminary reports more...

NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN D A M N I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours. ST. M O M M A'S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out. P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception. D U M B E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.
F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers. M E N I C I L L I N
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me more...

Former Utah Jazz center Robert Whaley has been arrested after police discovered drugs between his buttocks. That's right – police found crack in his butt.