Ducks Jokes / Recent Jokes
Why did the bull rush?
Because it saw the cow slip!
What kind of bird lays electric eggs?
A battery hen!
What do you call an arctic cow?
An eskimoo!
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick-layer!
How do you fit more pigs on your farm?
Build a sty-scraper!
Why does a rooster watch TV?
For hentertainment!
What do you get from a drunk chicken?
Scotch eggs!
What do you call a crate of ducks?
A box of quackers!
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a bell?
A bird that has to wring its own neck! What do you get if you all sit under a cow?
A pat on the head!
What`s the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper!
What do you call a pig that took a plane?
Swine flu!
What kind of doctor treats ducks?
A quack!
I understand that a crow has one less pinion feather than a raven. Therefore how do you tell a crow from a raven? It's a matter of opinion. I duck walks into a drug store and buys a chapstick. The clerk sez, "Will that be cash or charge?" The duck sez, "Just put it on my bill!" Two vultures were in the desert eating a dead clown. The first vulture asks the second vulture: "Does this taste funny to you?" Why do hummingbirds hum? Because they don't know the words. Why did the gum cross the road? It was stuck to the chickens foot. I took my bird to the vet because he was sick. The vet said I have bad news and good news. The bird has chirpees, the good news is that it is tweetable! Why did the chicken cross the road? To prove to the Opossum that it could be done! What does a 1, 000 lb. canary say? Here kitty, kitty, kitty! What did the bird say as it was flying over K-Mart? "Cheap - cheap - cheap" What do you get when you run over a bird with your more...
This guy walks into a bar, pulls out a tiny piano and stool, and a tiny little man. The tiny man sits down, and starts to play the piano. This other guy notices it. Hey, what's that? A twelve-inch pianist. Ya see, I found this magic lamp, rubbed it, made a wish, I got a twelve inch pianist. Can I try? The man with the piano agrees and a minute later, a million ducks fill the room. Ducks? I didn't wish for a million ducks, I wished for a million bucks!, p> Ya think I really wished for a twelve inch pianist?
It seems three Irishmen, Sean, Michael and Tim, passed over at the same time. Upon encountering the Pearly Gates, they were met by ST. Patrick himself, and he addressed the boys thusly: "Lads, I'm here to welcome you to heaven where you will spend eternity. Just remember one thing, when you go through these gates, don't step on any of the ducks or you'll be punished for eternity. Sean went in first and was amazed to see that the entire ladscape was encompassed by ducks, and try as he might, sure enough he stepped on one. He was immediately joined by one of the homliest colleens he's ever laid eyes on, and she said,"Well love, you stepped on a duck and now we're together for all time."And of course the exact same thing happened to Michael only his companion was even the worse for wear. By this time Tim was absolutely terrified. And he gingerly managed to make it most of the way across the cou rt without stepping on a single duck. Suddenly, his arm was taken by a young more...
Three friends died and went to heaven. The first friend, Sarah, was the first one to go into the pearly gates and meet "God"." Hello Sarah, it is so nice to see you here" God said to her. "Please make yourself at home and do whatever you want. Slide down the rainbows, sleep on the clouds, just have fun. BUT DON'T Step on the ducks" God said. "We love and cherish ducks here". So, Sarah goes on her merry way and enjoys herself. Until OPPS! She steps on a duck. Suddenly the ugliest, most hideous man pops up and Sarah realized she must spend the rest of her life with him. Next, Olivia goes into the pearly gates and God tells her the same thing. "Do whatever you want, just DON'T step on the ducks". So, Olivia goes on her way and OPPS! She steps on a duck. And she, too has to spend the rest of her life with a ugly, hideous man. The last friend, Jenn, goes to meet and God and he tells her the same thing. "DON'T STEP on the ducks". more...
Why do ducks have flat feet?For stamping out forest fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?For stamping out flaming ducks.
Why do giraffes have long necks?For spitting on burning elephants.