Ducks Jokes / Recent Jokes

There are three ducks in a pond. All the ducks wear the same type of dress. If one wears red the other two wore blue. Why?
Because all the three went to an exhibition and two took blue and got a red dress free.

once there were three girls and they all died at the same time and went to heaven.the man at the gate said u can go in but dont step on a duck because they are Gods favorite animal. they all agreed and walked insige to find millions of ducks. they walked in carefully but the first girl steps on a duck. then a man comes and handcuffs her to the ugliest man ever! the other to are more careful now but then a couple weeks later the other girls steps on a duck and she gets handcuffed to the ugliest man ever. the other girl does great. she goes months and months and doesnt step on a duck. then the man comes and handcuffs her to the most gorgeous man ever! she says well i dont no wat i did to deserve this! then the man says well i dont no wat u did but i steped on a duck!

A ducks walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn't serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves. The next day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?"Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves. The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: ''Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!'' The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ''Got any nails?'' Confused, the bartenders says no. ''Good!'' says the duck. ''Got any grapes?''

One day a man went hunting for ducks. When he was done he was going to his Chevy and he got a vist from The Game Warden.
The Warden said "Hey Sir, what ya huntin?"
The man said "Ducks."
The Warden said "Did ya have any luck?"
He said "Got 3."
The Warden said "Let Me see them." The Warden stuck his finger up the ducks butt, smelled it and said "This duck is from Ohio, do you have a stamp for it?"
The Man gave him the stamp.
The Warden picked up the 2nd duck did the same thing and said "Kentuky duck, got a stamp?"
The man gave him the stamp.
The Warden did the same thing with the last duck and said "Canada duck. Stamp?"
The man gave him the stamp.
Then the Warden said "Where you from anyway?"
The man pulled down his pants and said "You're the expert, you tell me!"

One day a man went hunting for ducks. When he was done he was going to his Chevy and he got a vist from The Game Warden.The Warden said "Hey Sir, what ya huntin?"The man said "Ducks."The Warden said "Did ya have any luck?"He said "Got 3."The Warden said "Let Me see them." The Warden stuck his finger up the ducks butt, smelled it and said "This duck is from Ohio, do you have a stamp for it?"The Man gave him the stamp.The Warden picked up the 2nd duck did the same thing and said "Kentuky duck, got a stamp?"The man gave him the stamp.The Warden did the same thing with the last duck and said "Canada duck. Stamp?"The man gave him the stamp.Then the Warden said "Where you from anyway?"The man pulled down his pants and said "You're the expert, you tell me!"

Three women die in a car accident and go to Heaven. Saint Peter meets them at the Gates and welcomes them saying "you can do as you please in Heaven, just don't step on any ducks." The women are puzzled but proceed into Heaven. Looking around, they notice there are ducks everywhere. In a matter of minutes, one of the women steps on a duck. Saint Peter walks up to the woman with a hideously ugly man. Saint Peter shackles the man and the woman together and says, "for stepping on a duck, you have to spend eternity chained to this ugly man." The other two women are shocked but go about their business until, sure enough, another woman steps on a duck. Immediately Saint Peter comes and shackles her to another ugly man. The last woman tries desperately to not step on a duck. After a few months of not stepping on any ducks, Saint Peter walks up to the woman accompanied by a stunningly handsome man. He shackles the woman to the man and after a while, the woman being more...

One morning a son got up and was leaving the house with a hand full of chicken wire.
His father said, "Son, where are you going?". The son replied, "I'm going to catch me some chickens".
The father said, "Son, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire. But the son insisted that he knew what he was doing. Later on that day, the son came home with two chickens in his hand.
The father thought, "I guess he knows what he's doing".
The next morning the son got up with some duck tape.
The father said, "Son, where you going?".
The son replied, "I'm going to catch some ducks".
The father yelled, "YOU CAN'T CATCH DUCKS WITH DUCK TAPE."
The son insisted that he knew what he was doing. Later on that day the son came home with two ducks under each arm.
The father thought, "Damn, I guess he does know what he's doing!"
The next morning the son got up with a hand full of more...