Dumb Men Jokes

Two guys were roaring down a country road on a motorcycle when the driver slowed up and pulled over. His leather jacket had a broken zipper, and he told his friend, "I can`t drive anymore with the air hitting me in the chest like that." "Just put the jacket on backwards," his friend advised. They continued down the road but around the next bend, they lost control and wiped out. Banta came upon the accident and ran to call the police. They asked him, "Are they showing any signs of life?" "Well," Banta explained, "the driver was until I turned his head around the right way!"

Q. What`s the difference between a man and E.T.?

A. E.T. phoned home.Q. How do men get excersize at the beach?

A. By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.Q. What`s a man`s idea of helpin with the housework?

A. Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.Q. Why are all dumb blond jokes oneliners?

A. So men can understand them.Q. How do women define a 50/50 relationship?

A. We cook/they eat; We clean/they dirty; We iron/ they wrinkle.Q. What is the difference between government bonds and men?

A. Government bonds mature.Q. How are men like noodles?

A. They are always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.Q. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?

A. When it`s time to go back to his childhood, he`s already there.Q. Why is it good that there are female astronauts?

A. When the crew gets lost in space at least the women will ask for directions.Q. What more...

8 things you`ll never hear a man say...8. Here honey, you use the remote.7. You know, I`d like to see her again, but her breasts are just too big.6. Ooh, Antonio Banderas AND Brad Pitt? That`s one movie I gotta see!5. While I`m up, can I get you anything?4. Sex isn`t that important, sometimes I just want to be held.3. Aww, forget Monday night football, let`s watch Melrose Place.2. Hey, let me hold your purse while you try that on.1. We never talk anymore.

Why do men think they`re so superior if they have to become men while women just are?

Q:What is the best way to get a man to stop pestering you?

A.Stare at his crotch and laugh.Q:Why do men have to flex their muscles around women so much?

A.Because they have nothing else to brag about.Q:If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?

A.YES!!!Q:Why do men never stop to ask for directions?

A.Because they aren`t lost, they just don`t know where they are.