Dump Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Ghost Poo: The kind where you feel poo come out, see poo on the toilet paper, but there's no poo in the bowl.The Clean poo - The kind where you feel poo come out, see poo in the bowl, but theres no poo on the toilet paper.The Wet Poo- You wipe your butt fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.The Wet Cheeks Poo- That's the kind that comes out of your butt so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water, or splash-back.The Second Wave Poo- This poo happens when you think you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to poo some more.The Brain Haemorrhage-through-your-nose Poo- You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.The Lincoln Log Log- The kind of poo that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with more...

You know you're a redneck when you take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took.

The Redneck Oil Change Checklist
1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for $50 dollars for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree.
2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
12. Clean up.
13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist it off.
16. Beer.
17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18. Next day, drag pan full of more...

How to Change Your OilWomen:1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube 3000 miles after the last oil change.2. Drink a cup of coffee.3. Fifteen minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Men:1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for 50 dollars for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree.2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.3. Open a beer and drink it.4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.7. Place drain pan under engine.8. Look for 13mm box end wrench.9. Give up and use crescent wrench.10. Unscrew drain plug.11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on hand in the process.12. Clean up.13. Have another beer while oil is draining.14. Look for oil filter wrench.15. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips head screwdriver and twist it off.16. more...

Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent: Oil Change $20. 00 Coffee $1. 00 Total $21. 00

Oil Change instructions for Men:
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50. 00.
2) Stop by liquor store and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20. 00, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. Jack car up.
5) Find jack stands under kids pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on face and arms more...

AAC Alter All CommandsAAD Alter All DataAAO Add And OverflowAAR Alter At RandomAB Add BackwardsABC AlphaBetize CodeABR Add Beyond RangeACC Advance CPU ClockACDC Allow Controller to Delete ContentsACDP Allow Controller to Die PeacefullyACQT Advance Clock to Quitting TimeADB Another Dumb BugAEE Absolve Engineering ErrorsAFF Add Fudge FactorAFHB Align Fullword on Halfword BoundaryAFP Abnormalize Floating PointAFR Abort Funny RoutineAFVC Add Finagle's Variable ConstantAGB Add GarBageAGWA Add and Get Wrong AnswerAI Add ImproperAIB Attack Innocent BystanderAIB Attack Innocent BystandersAISG Access and Improve Student GradeAMM Add Mayo and MustardAMM Answer My MailAMS Add Memory to SystemANC ANnoy ConsultantAOI Annoy Operator ImmediateAR Advance RudelyAR Alter RealityARN Add and Reset to Non-zeroARN Add and Reset to NonzeroARZ Add and Reset to ZeroAS Add SidewaysASQGSA ASCII Stupid Question, Get a Stupid ANSIAT Accumulate TriviaAWP Argue With ProgrammerAWTT Assemble With Tinker ToysBA Branch more...

What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
Kids won't eat broccoli.
What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?
I don't know and I don't care.
What's the difference between the capital of Russia and a calf's mother?
One is Moscow, the other is cow's ma.
Where did the vegetables go to get drunk?
The Salad Bar.
Where do you get virgin wool from?
Ugly sheep.
Where does a one-armed man shop?
At a second hand store.
Where does the Lone Ranger take his garbage?
Ta da dump, ta da dump, ta da dump Dump DUMP!!!
Which of these things don't belong: A tuna, a lobster, or a Chinese guy run over by a truck?
The tuna. The other two are crustaceans.
Who delivers puppies when the Vet isn't available?
The mid woof.
Why can't a woman ask her brother for help?
Because he can't be a brother and assist her too.
Why did the big moron fall off the roof and the little moron didn't?
Because he was a little more more...