Dump Jokes / Recent Jokes

What's the difference between boogers and broccoli? Kids won't eat broccoli.
What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care.
What's the difference between the capital of Russia and a calf's mother? One is Moscow, the other is cow's ma.
Where did the vegetables go to get drunk? The Salad Bar.
Where do you get virgin wool from? Ugly sheep.
Where does a one-armed man shop? At a second hand store.
Where does the Lone Ranger take his garbage? Ta da dump, ta da dump, ta da dump Dump DUMP!!!
Which of these things don't belong: A tuna, a lobster, or a Chinese guy run over by a truck? The tuna. The other two are crustaceans.
Who delivers puppies when the Vet isn't available? The mid woof.
Why can't a woman ask her brother for help? Because he can't be a brother and assist her too.
Why did the big moron fall off the roof and the little moron didn't? Because he was a little more on.
Why did the chicken cross the road? more...

What's the difference between boogers and broccoli? Kids won't eat broccoli.What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care.What's the difference between the capital of Russia and a calf's mother? One is Moscow, the other is cow's ma.Where did the vegetables go to get drunk? The Salad Bar.Where do you get virgin wool from? Ugly sheep.Where does a one-armed man shop? At a second hand store.Where does the Lone Ranger take his garbage? Ta da dump, ta da dump, ta da dump Dump DUMP!!! Which of these things don't belong: A tuna, a lobster, or a Chinese guy run over by a truck? The tuna. The other two are crustaceans.Who delivers puppies when the Vet isn't available? The mid woof.Why can't a woman ask her brother for help? Because he can't be a brother and assist her too.Why did the big moron fall off the roof and the little moron didn't? Because he was a little more on.Why did the chicken cross the road? To prove to the opossum it could be done.

2004 SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR TAKING A DUMP AT WORK

We've all been there but don't like to admit it.
We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something a brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those of you who hate pooping at work, here is the 2004 Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.

ESCAPEE: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an ESCAPEE, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an
ESCAPEE; it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel more...

Every once in a while everyone experiences the perfect dump. It's rare but a real thing of beauty. You sit down expecting the worse, but what you get is a smooth sliding, fart-less masterpiece that breaks the water with the splash-less grace of an Olympic high-diving champion. You use the toilet tissue to find that it was totally unnecessary. It makes you feel that all is right in the world and that you are in perfect harmony with it.
The Beer Dump
Nasty! Depends upon the dumper's tolerance and is the result of too many beers - doesn't matter if it was 2 or 22. What you get is a sinister, lengthy, noisy dump accompanied by an odious malevolent fog that could close the bathroom for days. Naked flames are ill advised.....
The Chilli Dump (aka The Japanese Flag)
Hot when it goes in and napalm when it comes out. It stays with you all day stinging yer ring and generally making your choccie starfish feel like the Shuttle's heat shield. Also makes your ass look like more...

WOMEN
Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.
Drink a cup of coffee.
15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
MEN
Go to auto parts store and write a check for 50 dollars for oil, filter, oil lift (AKA kitty litter), hand cleaner and scented tree.
Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking back to auto parts store to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
Open a beer and drink it.
Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
Place drain pan under engine.
Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
Give up and use crescent wrench.
Unscrew drain plug.
Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
Clean up.
Have another beer while oil is draining.
Look for oil filter wrench.
Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips more...

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2001 Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure. ESCAPEE. Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy. JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE). Definition: more...

Yo Mama so dump she looked at an orange juice box for 2 hrs. just because it said CONCENTRATE

Yo Mama so fat she just fat

Yo Mama so ugly hell started to cry

Yo Mama so fat Jupiter got jealous

Yo Mama so fat she got hit by a parked car

Yo Mama so desperate she told me that she would give me a blow job for a quarter.

Yo Mama so dump she went to the SUPER BOWL with a spoon.

Yo Mama so horny she's on the fence sayin' here kitty kitty.

Yo Mama so ugly she too ugly.

Yo Mama so dump she went to the salon for a facial.