Dung Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Forest Service has issued a BEAR WARNING in the national forests for this summer. They're urging everyone to protect themselves by wearing bells and carrying pepper spray.
Campers should be alert for signs of fresh bear activity, and they should be able to tell the difference between Black Bear dung and Grizzy Bear dung.
Black Bear dung is rather small and round. Sometimes you can see fruit seeds and/or squirrel fur in it.
Grizzly Bear dung has bells in it, and smells like pepper spray!
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was.The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy,and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under he pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!
Moral of the story:
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut
A young fellow at the state fair stood watching an old indian. Above the old indian was a sign that read, "$5. 00 - If I can't tell you where you're from, I'll pay you $50. 00!".
The young man watched a cowboy approach the indian and ask, "Is the sign right?".
The indian says, "yes".
The cowboy hands him a five and says, "you're on!"
The indian looks the cowboy up and down, noticing some cow dung on his boots and flatly states, "you're from Wyoming!".
The cowboy shakes his head and says, "I'll be darned! You're right!" and strolls away.
A second cowboy approaches the indian and goes through the same routine. Handing him the fiver, he stands and watches as the indian looks him up and down and notices a bit of straw and cow dung on his boots. The indian says, "you're from Montana!"
The cowboy, dejected as all get out, walks away.
The young man decides he's going to give the more...
A pheasant was standing in a field chatting to a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of yonder tree', sighed the pheasant,' but I haven't got the energy'.
' Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull.' They're packed with nutrients'.
The pheasant pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. And so on.
Finally, after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Whereupon he was spotted by a farmer who dashed into the farmhouse, emerged with a shotgun, and shot the pheasant right out of the tree.
The Moral of the Story:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Chatting with a bull, a turkey sighed and said, "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree, but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, the turkey reached the second branch. Finally, after a week, there he was, proudly perched at the top of the tree.
Soon, though, the turkey was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey from the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there!
Chatting with a bull, a turkey sighed and said, "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree, but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, the turkey reached the second branch. Finally, after a week, there he was, proudly perched at the top of the tree.
Soon, though, the turkey was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey from the tree.
The moral of the story is: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.