Dunna Jokes

Years ago in Ireland, there was a priest who was very anti-British. Every Sunday he would blast them from the pulpit. He became so notorious that the Pope himself summoned the priest to Rome for an audience. "Father," said the Pope, "I want that there should be peace between the British and the Irish. You`re not helping matters at all. I want you to kiss my ring and swear by the Blessed Virgin that you`ll never so much as mention the British in public again." "But Your Holiness, I - I - " the priest stammered. "No buts," said the Pope. "Swear it here and now or there`ll be trouble!" "Aye, Holy Father," sighed the father. "All right. I swear it." The very next Sunday just happened to be Easter, and the priest was back at his pulpit in Ireland, giving his annual Easter sermon. He got to the part of the Easter story where Jesus said, "And one of you shall betray Me." The priest continues: "Saint Andrew more...

Sandy McTavish was walking the Macy's basement sale when, before his
eyes on the sale table, was a bolt of the McTavish tartan! He'd been
in New York for about six years and his kilt showed it, so the need
was there, the price was right and he approached the sales clerk (you'll
have to supply your own Scottish burr).
"Lassie, Ey'd like a yayrd an a haf o' the McTavish tartin"
"Beg your pardon sir?"
"Yaryrd an a haf o' the McTavish tartin, I'm needin' a new kilt"
"I'm sorry sir, you'll have to show me the material you mean"
So he walked her over to the sale table and showed her what he wanted.
"Sorry sir, that plaid only comes in three yard lengths"
"Ya dunna understand lassie, I dunna need three yayrds, I need a yayrd an a haf"
"I'm sorry sir, you don't understand, that plaid comes in three yard lengths,
why not take a yard and a half, make your kilt, and take the other more...