Mctavish Jokes

Sandy McTavish had an old friend, Jock Murdock, who was quite ill. Sandy came to visit and Jock said, "Sandy, I've only a short time to live, I'm on my death bed lad." Sandy knew that and in a non-committal way he said, "Aye, that a' know old friend." Jock turned to Sandy and said, "Sandy, de ye nay ken that old bottle of Scotch that I hae been saving ah these years." Sandy, an aficionado, was immediately attentive and said, "Aye Jock, that I do." Jock said, "ye are guid friend and when I've passed I would have yee pour that Scotch on ma grave." Sandy was profoundly moved for his own reasons. After considering Jocks request for an agonizing period he brightened, turned to Jock. "Aye- aye Jock I'll de that for an old friend, but ye wouldna mind if I put it through my kidneys first."

Sandy McTavish was walking the Macy's basement sale when, before his
eyes on the sale table, was a bolt of the McTavish tartan! He'd been
in New York for about six years and his kilt showed it, so the need
was there, the price was right and he approached the sales clerk (you'll
have to supply your own Scottish burr).
"Lassie, Ey'd like a yayrd an a haf o' the McTavish tartin"
"Beg your pardon sir?"
"Yaryrd an a haf o' the McTavish tartin, I'm needin' a new kilt"
"I'm sorry sir, you'll have to show me the material you mean"
So he walked her over to the sale table and showed her what he wanted.
"Sorry sir, that plaid only comes in three yard lengths"
"Ya dunna understand lassie, I dunna need three yayrds, I need a yayrd an a haf"
"I'm sorry sir, you don't understand, that plaid comes in three yard lengths,
why not take a yard and a half, make your kilt, and take the other more...