Eagles Jokes / Recent Jokes

Eagles may soar, free and proud, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.

The Philadelphia Eagles have actually begun selling Michael Vick jerseys for dogs. While they're at it, maybe they should sell some OJ Simpson Ginsu Knives.

An Eagles fan, a Dallas Cowboy's fan and a NY Giant fan were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze. All of a sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they were sentenced to DEATH!

However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment.

By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheik decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik suddenly said, "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

The Cowboy fan was first in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought more...

A. The Taliban has a running game.

Q. What do the Eagles and Billy Graham have in common?
A. They both can make 70, 000 people stand up and yell “Jesus Christ”.

Q. How do you keep an Eagles player out of your yard?
A. Put up goal posts.

Q. Where do you go in Philly in case of a tornado?
A. Veterans Stadium- they rarely get a touchdown there.

Q. Why doesn’t Harrisburg have one of those exciting NFL teams?
A. Because Philly would want one.

Q. Why was Andy Reid upset when the Eagles playbook was stolen?
A. Because he hadn’t finished coloring it.

Q. What’s the difference between the Eagles and a dollar bill?
A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q. What do you call 53 people sitting around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A. The Philadelphia Eagles

Q. What do the Eagles and possums have in common?
A. They both play dead.

Q. more...

A lion was getting rather old and slow and having difficulty catching its prey. It decided it needed a disguise so that other animals did not know it was a lion and would not run away. So it goes into a fancy dress shop and buys a gorilla suit. It then heads for a watering hole to see if it can catch something with its new disguise. On the way it comes across two eagles sitting on a rock. One eagle says to it "Hi Mr. Lion!" The other said, "Where did you get the gorilla suit?" The lion, rather frustrated, asks, "How did you know I was a lion?" The eagles then started to sing, "You can't hide your lion eyes".

Two eagles are soaring along when suddenly a passenger jet screams past them.One eagle says to the other, "Wow, did you see how fast that thing was moving?" The other replies, "Yeah. You'd move fast too if you had three assholes and they were all on fire!"

This works for any team:
Coach Andy Reid had put together the perfect Eagles team. The only thing he was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges, and even the high schools, but he couldn't find a ringer quarterback who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night, while watching CNN, he saw a war-zone scene in Bosnia. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Bosnian soldier with a truly incredible arm.
He threw a hand grenade straight into a 15th-story window 200 yards away-ka-boom!
He threw another hand grenade into a group of 10 soldiers 100 yards away-ka-blooey! Then a car passed, going 90 mph - bulls-eye!
"I've got to get this guy!" Reid said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football, and the Eagles go on to win the Super Bowl for the first time in history.
The young Bosnian is lionized as the Great Hero of football, and more...