Easy Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why is a fish easy to weigh? Because it has its own scales!

A Nice Jewish Dog
A guy gets a new dog, a nice Jewish dog. So he calls him Irving.
He can't
wait to show him off to his neighbor, so when the neighbor
finally comes
over, the guy calls Irving into the house, bragging about how
smart he is.
The dog quickly comes running and stands looking up at his
master, tail
wagging excitedly, mouth open, tongue hanging out, eyes bright
with
anticipation.
The guy points to the newspaper by the door and commands "Okay,
Irving,
Fetch!"
Immediately, the dog climbs on to the couch and sits, his tail
wagging
furiously. Then all of a sudden, he stops. His doggie smile
disappears. He
starts to frown and puts on a sour face.
Looking up at his master, he whines, "You think this is easy,
wagging my
tail all the time? Oy... This constant wagging of the tail puts
me in
such pain, you should only know! And you think it's easy eating
that more...

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining a wealthy foreign ambassador during lunch at a very expensive restaurant in New York.

The ambassador was so enthralled by the beauty and presence of this secretary that he asked her to marry him. The secretary was startled, but remembered that her boss told her never to insult foreign dignitaries, so she decided to let him down easy.

"I'll only marry you under three conditions."

"Anything, anything," said the ambassador.

"First, you must buy me a 14-karat gold wedding band with a 72 carat diamond, along with a 28-inch studded matching necklace for our engagement."

Without hesitation, the ambassador picked up his cellular phone, called his personal accountant, told him the instructions, and said, "Yes, yes, I buy, I buy!"

The secretary thought that her first request was too easy, so she thought of a more difficult more...

It's So Easy
(Tune, It's so Easy)

It's with Cesium I'm in love!
It's with Cesium I'm in love!

People say that I'm a fool,
When I take my Cesium into the pool.
And it's so easy,
So doggone easy,
Yes it's so easy,
Where my love's concerned,
To get myself burned.

But it's with Cesium I'm in love,
It's with Cesium I'm in love!

I look into her flame and see,
A sky-blue light floodin' over me.
Though it's so easy,
So doggone easy,
Yeah it's so easy,
When she's concerned,
To get myself burned.
Still it's with Cesium I'm in love,
It's with Cesium I'm in love!

---Songs of Cesium #87

A seargent is interviewing three cadets who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first cadet a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The first cadet answers, "Thats easy, well catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The seargent says, "Well... uh... thats because the picture I showed is his side profile." Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second cadet and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The second cadet smiles, and says, "Ha! Hed be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds, "Whats the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because its a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?!" Extremely frustrated at this point, he more...

Four married guys go golfing on Sunday. During the 3rd hole the following conversation ensued:
First Guy: "Man, you have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."
Second Guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."
Third Guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."
They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they ask him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?"
Fourth Guy: "That's easy! I just set my alarm for 5:30am. When it goes off, I shut off my alarm, give the wife a poke. 'Golf Course or Intercourse?', I ask. She says, 'Wear your sweater.'"

Dealing with failure is easy: Work hard to improve. Success is also easy to handle: You've solved the wrong problem. Work hard to improve.