Edge Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle. They head to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem."
The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.
"Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere," says Gerry,
The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag. Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's Hiace to drive to the top of the Conor Pass.
At the Conor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000-foot drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place."
He takes two birds out of the bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.
Paddy watches as Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.
Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says; "Feck dat. Dis budgie jumping is too feckin' dangerous for me."
PART TWO:
Moment's later Seamus arrives more...
Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars." The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where's my hundred dollars?" The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law." The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?"
When you are standing on the edge of a cliff a step forward is not progress.
Two guys are drinking at a bar on the edge of a cliff. The first guy turns to the second guy and says "I bet you a hundred bucks I can jump off the cliff and be back here uninjured in 15 minutes."
The second guy laughs and agrees to the bet. They walk out to the edge of the cliff where the first guy jumps and falls out of sight within seconds. The second guy walks back into the bar and continues to drink thinking he's won.
14 minutes later the first guy walks back into the bar unharmed. The second guy looks at him in amazement and asks "How the hell did you do that." The first guy looks at him and shrugs, "There's a draft, winds catch you bring you back up to the top of the cliff, pay up."
The second guy gives him the hundred bucks and says "Wow, I've got to try that." He walks out to the edge of the cliff, jumps, and dies when his body crashes to the ground.
The bartender looks at the first guy and more...
Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However, St. Peter has been informed that Heaven will only admit 33% of applicants today. The admissions standard: Who died the worst death? So, St. Peter takes each of the three men aside in
turn and asks them about how they died.First man: "I'd been suspecting for a long time that my wife was cheating on me. I decided to come home early from work one afternoon and check to see if I could catch her in the act. When I got back to my apartment, I heard the water running. My wife
was in the shower. I looked everywhere for the guy, but couldn't find anyone or any trace that he had been there. The last place I looked was out on the balcony.I found the bastard hanging from the edge, trying to get back in! So I started jumping up and down on his hands, and he yelled, but he didn't fall. So I ran inside and got a hammer, and crushed his fingers with it until he fell twenty-five floors screaming in agony. But the more...
On the first day his son joined the family firm, the founder took him on to the roof of the factory building and said, I am going to give you your very first lesson in business. Stand on the edge of the roof. Reluctantly, the boy went to stand on the edge of the roof. Now, said his father, when I say, "Jump," I want you to jump off the roof. But, Dad, said the boy, theres a huge drop! Do you want to succeed in business? Yes, Dad. And you trust me, dont you? Yes, Dad. So do as I say and jump. The boy jumped. He crashed to the ground and lay there, winded and bruised. His father went racing down the stairs and ran up to him. That was your first lesson in business, son. Never trust anyone.
A man had been in business for many years and his business was going down the drain and was full of debt. He was seriously contemplating suicide and he didn't know what to do. So he went to his Priest to seek advice.
He told the Priest about all of his problems in business and asked the Priest what he should do. The Priest said "Take a beach chair and a bible and put them in your car and drive down to the edge of the ocean. Go to the water's edge. Take the beach chair out of the car, sit on it and take the Bible out and open it up. The wind will rifle the pages for a while and eventually the Bible will stay open at a particular page. Read the Bible and it will tell you what to do."
The man did as he is told. He placed a beach chair and a Bible in his car and drove down to the beach. He sat on the chair at the water's edge and opened the Bible. The wind rifled the pages of the Bible and then stopped at a particular page. He looked down at the Bible and knew more...