Edward Jokes / Recent Jokes

Eighty-five year old Edward retired to Arizona after his wife of sixty years passed away. He felt very much alone in the world and longed for companionship.
While walking through a public park one day, Edward caught sight of what he considered to be a very attractive, silver-haired lady sitting alone on a park bench. Mustering up his nerve, he approached her and graciously asked, "Pardon me, but may I sit here with you?"
The silver-haired Dorothy looked up to see a distinguished looking, white-haired gentleman and replied, "Certainly," as she moved over to give him room to sit.
For the next few hours, the two sat and talked about everything. They learned that they both came from the same part of the country, enjoyed the same type of music, liked the same kinds of food, had had long, happy marriages and lost their spouses within the past year and, in general, agreed on just about everything.
Finally, Edward cleared his throat and shyly asked, more...

Women truly are better than men. Otherwise, they'd be intolerable. - Ed AbbeyIn everything but brains and brawn, women are vastly superior to men. - Ed AbbeyGirls, like flowers, bloom but once. But once is enough. - Edward AbbeyWomen who love only women may have a good point. - Edward AbbeyWomen: We cannot love them all. But we must try. - Edward AbbeyThe feminists have a legitimate grievance. But so does everyone else. - Edward AbbeyHer figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak. - Woody AllenWoman: A creature whom a man can't get along with or without. Animal usually living in the vicinity of man, and having a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication. - Ambrose BierceWoman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. - DumasWomen! You can't live with them, you can't do most positions without them. - Dan Fielding (from the "Night Court" television series)The great question... Which I have not been able to more...

On the day of the wedding, Sophie was getting dressed, surrounded by all her family, and she suddenly realised she had forgotten to get any shoes.
Panic.
Then her sister remembered that she had a pair of white shoes from her wedding so she lent them to Sophie for the day. Unfortunately they were a bit too small and by the time the festivities were over Sophie's feet were in agony.
When she and Edward withdrew to their room the only thing she could think of was getting her shoes off.
The rest of the Family crowded round the door to the bedroom and they heard roughly what they expected, grunts, straining noises and the occasional muffled scream. Eventually they heard Edward say 'God, that was tight.'
'There,' whispered the Queen. 'I told you she was a virgin.'
Then, to their surprise, they heard Edward say. 'Right. Now for the other one.'
Followed by more grunting and straining and at last Edward said.
'My God. That was even tighter.'
'That's my boy,' more...

And as the reindeer say before they tell you jokes. ...
These jokes will sleigh you!
Did Rudolph go to a regular school?
No, he was "elf"-taught!
'Father Christmas has two reindeer. He calls one Edward and the other one Edward! I bet you can't tell me why he does that!'
'Oh, yes I can.' the elf said.
'Because tow' Eds are better than one, of course!'
How can Santa's sleigh possibly fly through the air?
You would too if you were pulled by flying reindeer!
How do you make a slow reindeer fast?
Don't feed it!
How do you get into Donner's house?
You ring the "deer"-bell!
How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming?
He looks at his calen-"deer"!
How long should a reindeer's legs be?
Just long enough to reach the ground!
How would you get four reindeer in a car?
Two in the front and two in the back!
And how do you get four polar bears in a car?
Take the more...

Partial list of suspects in recent foiled plot to blow up Continental, United and American Airlines aircraft in mid-flight:

Abdula Ahmed Ali
Shazad Khuram Ali
Nabeel Hussain
Umar Islam
Waseem Kayani
Assan Abdullah Khan
Waheed Arafat Khan
Shamin Mohammed Uddin
Waheed Zaman
Amin Asmin Tariq
Partial list of passengers randomly searched on a recent American Airlines flight out of General Edward L. Logan International Airport in Boston:

Mildred E. Sullivan
Brittany Amber Carlton
Keishi Matsamura
Hampton R. Hughes Jr.
Shari Elizabeth Cohen
Anthony Scatturcio
Sir Lesley Ian Woodward
Leanne Honeychurch
Father Thomas Mulhern
Edward L. Logan III