Edwin Jokes

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Edwin!
Edwin who?
Edwin some, you lose some!

Edwin Land is famous for inventing the Land Camera, also known as the Polaroid - the first instant camera. But he could invent just about anything he turned his mind to. Once his wife, in desperation, asked him to invent something to shut the dogs up! Seems they had two bull misstifs that could raise a terrible racket when they got excited.
So Edwin set his mind to it and invented a speaker that would shout at the dogs when their noise got to an intollerable decibel level. Since his was the only voice they would obey, the recorded message was in his own voice. And it worked; when the voice boomed out, it quieted them instantly.
But, one evening the Lands were having a party and the house was full of guests, really making merry and whooping it up. The noise kept getting louder and louder, until finally a slamming door did it: it reached the decibel level to activate the speaker.
"BE QUIET! SIT!" And of course all the guests, recognizing the master's voice did, more...

The man behind McDonald's french fries, Edwin Traisman, died Tuesday at the age of 91.

Mr. Traisman was found in his home peacefully wilting under a heat lamp. Efforts to revive Traisman by sticking him in a low temp oven for a few minutes were unsuccessful.

"He led a super-sized life," said Traisman's wife. "Everyone wanted to know his secret to longevity, and Edwin always said,'the trick is in carefully controlling water content prior to the freeze-drying process.'"

According to his wishes, Traisman's remains will be deep fried and dipped in ketchup before being dropped into that little space between the driver's seat and the gear shifter.