Effort Jokes / Recent Jokes
1. MILKING IT: When stroking a guy's dick don't grab it like a bus rail and start jerking it like you were milking a cow. Don't use the penis as if it's a piece of gym equipment to strengthen the forearms. The male organ is a thing of wonder and beauty, and should be worshipped and held tenderly at all times. The sensitive part is at the top (where your face should be), not two-thirds of the way down.
2. BEING NAKED: Very few female bodies are good to look it so please make an effort to cover up as much as possible with exotic lingerie. Match the outfit to suit your bod. If you've got a half-decent arse but no tits for example, wear stockings and suspenders and cover your meagre mammaries with something silky.
3. POOR PRESENTATION: Presentation is all important. Don't wait to be asked to get it doggy-style. Roll over and present. You know you love it!
4. SILENT FRIGHT: If you've come and cannot be arsed to scream to show your appreciation, at least more...
Beverly Hillbillies
Miss Jane tries to convince Mr. Drysdale to network all the PCs in
the bank, but, typically, he won't spend the money. Frustrated,
Miss Jane pleads with Jed Clampett to persuade Mr. Drysdale to
"put in the LAN," but Jed thinks she said "put in the ham." Jed
then gets Granny to cook up a dozen hams and has Jethro and Ellie
Mae bring them to the bank. When they arrive, everybody is out to
lunch, so Jethro begins to distribute the hams, but is frustrated
when he can't get the coaxial cable to stay attached to the ham
bone. To further complicate matters, Ellie May has brought along
her pet goats, which begin to eat the ham and cable, causing the
the VAX to short out and force an emergency electronic fund
transfer of the Clampett millions to a competitive bank. As Mr.
Drysdale is seen chasing Miss Jane down the hall with a crazed look
in his eye, swinging a ham at her, Jed is heard to remark, more...
The following ritual was found in a musty, dusty old fragment of parchment lodged between the musty old pages of a musty, dusty old book in a musty, dusty old library whose musty, dusty old dust hadn't been disturbed by the presence of man in many a musty, dusty old century. It took a great deal of effort to translate the original writings. After months of effort and research in language libraries, it was finally determined that the weird script was not some arcane, forgotten language, but English, written by someone with a very bad case of caffeine jitters. Another fragment indicated that this was once part of a book, entitled "The Mystery of the StarBuck". THE CAFFEINATED CROSS
Stand, facing east, holding your coffee cup, filled with the mystical brew, in your power hand, and assume a posture of wakeful alertness. Bring your coffee cup to your forehead and intone: "LATTE" Lower your coffee cup to the vicinity of your navel: "MOCHA" Bring your coffee more...
A Press Release -
WASHINGTON D.C. The House Appropriations subcommittee on NASA oversight, in another effort to reduce the NASA budget, passed a resolution today to downsize the solar system. According to an unnamed congressional staffer, House Republicans felt there has been "too much redundancy in the solar system" and that streamlining the 4.5 billion year old planetary system is long overdue. Such action would give NASA fewer places to go and this would allow the agency to carry out its space exploration goals within the funding profile that the House proposed earlier this summer.
"Look, we have three terrestrial planets" said Congressman Rip U. Apart (R, Del.), "and only one of them really works! So why not get rid of the other two and clean up the neighborhood?" Most subcommittee members felt that while downsizing was definitely in the cards, eliminating both Mars and Venus was going too far. "We have too many international commitments more...