Egg Jokes / Recent Jokes

December 1
Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards.
December 2
Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine.
December 3
Using candlewick and handgilded miniature pine cones, fashion cat-o-nine-tails. Flog Gardener.
December 4
Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim.
December 5
Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself.
December 6
Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration.
December 7
Debug Windows' 95
December 10
Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.
December 11
Lay Faberge egg.
December 12
Take Dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.
December 13
Collect Dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for decorative pie crusts.
December 14
Install plumbing in gingerbread house.
December more...

What did the egg say to the boiling water?" I just got laid and now you want me to get hard?!"Sent by Sarah

What did the egg say to the boiling water? "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."

There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hens eggs for breakfast. One day he looked outside and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishmans garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg. The Scotsman ran up to the Englishman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Englishman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property. They argued for a while until finally the Scotsman said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I punch you in the nose and note how long it takes you to recover, then you punch me in the nose and note how long it takes for me to recover, whomever recovers quicker wins the egg."The Englishman agreed to this and so the Scotsman held the heaviest object he could find, took a few steps back, then ran toward the Englishman and more...

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smokinga cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg isfrowning and looking put out. The egg mutters to no one in particular,"I guess we answered that question."

A Chicken and an Egg were lying in bed one night. The chicken smoking a cigarette with a smug grin on its face, the egg looking thoroughly ticked off.

The egg looks at the chicken and says,
"Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"

A English man, a french man and a newfie are all constructions workers.
One day at lunch time English man opens his lunch box and finds a peanut
butter sandwich and say "if my wife makes me one more peanut butter
sandwich, I'm gonna jump off this building and kill myself. The french
man opens up his lunch box and finds a tuna sandwich and says "if my wife
makes me one more tuna sandwich, I'm gonna jump off this building and kill
myself". Then the Newfie opens up his lunch box and finds and egg salad
sandwich and says"if my wife makes me one more egg salad sanwich, I'm gonna
jump off this building and kill myself.
Sure enough, the next day at lunch, they all get the same sandwiches and
plunge to their deaths.
A few days later, at the funerals, the english mans wife says "only if
he told me he didn't like peanut butter sandwiches" The french mans wife
says"only if he told me he didn't more...