Eight Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: How many folk-dancers does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: Just one, but they break a lot of bulbs, when they drop everything to get onto the dance-floor when they hear the introduction to a dance they want to do.
Q: How many square dancers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Four, and you have to walk them through it a few times.
Q: How many square dancers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Eight. Square dancers do everything in groups of eight.
Q: How many Techno dancers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six, one to wear it around the neck, one to bring ecstasy and give it to the dancer to distract him, one to steal the light bulb while the dancer is distracted and dazed from ecstasy, three to distract the remaining crowd so they will not try to grab the bulb.
Q: How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they don't get up that high.
Q: How many sax more...
A young, enthusiastic Family Planning official was deputed to gauge the success of the Family Planning message in rural Bihar.
He reached a remote village which proudly housed a family of eight children. On reaching the house, he saw the father lazily enjoying a hookah in the shade of a neem tree. In a dignified manner the official introduced himself, and asked "Sir, hadn't you thought about our Family Planning methods before you had these eight kids!"
"Why should I?" he replied angrily. "The methods are all useless!" jeered the hefty Bihari.
"But, Sir, have you tried using condoms?" enquired the official.
Without responding to his question, the Bihari called two of his children rowing in the dirt. "Oye, Bablu, Dablu, come here!" Then he addressed the official. "Can you see them! They are the result of a torn condom!"
Saving his pride, the official replied, "Ok, Sir, you more...
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
There were cigarettes and butts left around by some louse.
And the best quart I had hidden by the chimney with care,
had been pinched by some rat who discovered it there.
My friends had long since been poured in their beds,
to wake in the morning with pulsating heads.
When through the north window there came such a smell,
that I sprang to my feet to see what the hell. .....
And what to my wondering eyes should show up,
but eight drunken reindeer hitched to a beer truck.
With a little old driver who looked like a hick,
but I saw it was Santa as tight as a tick.
Staggering onward the eight reindeer came,
as he hiccoughed and burped and called them by name.
"On Bourbon, on Vodka, you too, Scotch and Rye,
we better get going before we're too high. "
"Get up on that roof; get the hell off this wall;
get going you dummies, we have got more...
Off the seventh tee, Joe sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine. He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball.After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was an eight iron in hands of a skeleton! Joe immediately called out to his friend, "Jack, I've got trouble down here!""What's the matter?" Jack asked from the edge of the ravine."Bring me my wedge," Joe shouted. "You can't get out of here with an eight iron!"
Q: How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus?
A: Never enough.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: How many can you afford?
Q: Did you hear about the new microwave lawyer?
A: You spend eight minutes in his office and get billed as if you’d been there eight hours.
Q: What’s the difference between a law firm and a circus?
A: At a circus, the clowns don’t charge the public by the hour.
Q: Did you hear about the lawyer hurt in an accident?
A: An ambulance stopped suddenly.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, they’d rather keep their clients in the dark.
Q: What do lawyers do after they die?
A: They lie still.
Three old women are talking about their aches, pains and bodily dysfunctions.
One seventy-five year old woman says, "I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee."
An eighty year old woman says, "My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement."
The ninety year old woman says, "At seven I pee like a horse, at eight I crap like a cow."
"So what's your problem?" asked the others.
"I don't wake up until nine."
A doctor is going round the ward with a nurse and they come to the first bed where the chap is laying half dead.
"Did you give this man two tablets every eight hours?" asks the doctor.
"Oh, no," replies the nurse, "I gave him eight tablets every two hours!"
At the next bed the next patient also appears half dead.
"Nurse, did you give this man one tablet every twelve hours?"
"Oops, I gave him twelve tablets every one hour," replies the nurse.
Unfortunately at the next bed the patient is well and truly deceased, not an ounce of life. "Nurse," asks the doctor, "did you prick his boil?"
"OH MY GOODNESS!" replies the nurse.