Einstein Jokes / Recent Jokes

When Einstein died and arrived at the gates of heaven, St. Peter wouldn't let him in until he proved his identity.Einstein scribbled out a couple of his equations, and was admitted into paradise.And when Picasso died, St. Peter asked, "How do I know you're Picasso?" Picasso sketched out a couple of his masterpieces. St. Peter was convinced and let him in. When George W. Bush died, he went to heaven and met the man at the gates. "How can you prove to me you're George W. Bush?" Saint Peter said.Bush replied, "Well heck, I dont know." St. Peter says, "Well, Albert Einstein showed me his equations and Picasso drew his famous pictures. What can you do to prove you're George W. Bush?" Bush replies, "Who are Albert Einstein and Picasso?" St. Peter says, "It must be you, George, c'mon on in."

Einstein climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.
Looking up, he asks the Lord...
"God, what does a million years mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A minute."
"Einstein asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A penny."
Einstein asks, "Can I have a penny?"
The Lord replies, "In a minute."

Once all the scientists die and go to heaven......... They decide to play hide-n-seek...... Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the den........... He is supposed to count upto 100... and then start searching..... Everyone starts hiding except Newton.......
Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein........ Einstein's counting...... 97, 98, 99..... 100........ He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in front........
Einstein says "newton's out.. newton's.... out....."
Newton denies and says i am not out..... He claims that he is not Newton... All the scientists come out to see how he proves that he is not
Newton..... Newton says "I am standing in a square of area 1m squared... That makes me Newton per meter squared... since one Newton per meter squared is one Pascal, I'm Pascal, Therefore Pascal is OUT! !!!!!!!"

One day all the scientists in heaven decided to play hide-n-seek. Einstein was "it" and had to count up to 100 and then start searching.

Einstein starts counting... "1,2,3..."

Everyone starts hiding except Newton who just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein.

"97,98,99... 100!" He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in front.

Einstein immediately sees him and starts yelling, "Newton's out! Newton's out!"

Newton denies and says, "I am not out. I am not Newton."

All the scientists come out to see how he proves that he is not Newton.

Newton says "I am standing in a square of area 1m squared. That makes me Newton per meter squared since one Newton per meter squared is one Pascal, I'm Pascal. Therefore, Pascal is OUT!"

When Albert Einstein died, he met three New Zealanders in the queue outside the Pearly Gates. To pass the time, he asked what were their IQs. The first replied 190. "Wonderful," exclaimed Einstein. "We can discuss the contribution made by Ernest Rutherford to atomic physics and my theory of general relativity". The second answered 150. "Good," said Einstein. "I look forward to discussing the role of New Zealand's nuclear-free legislation in the quest for world peace". The third New Zealander mumbled 50. Einstein paused, and then asked, "So what is your forecast for the budget deficit next year?"

Einstein dies and goes to heaven only to be informed that his room is not yet ready. "I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory. We are very sorry, but it''s the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others" he is told by the doorman.
Einstein says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a great fuss. So the doorman leads him to the dorm. They enter and Albert is introduced to all of the present inhabitants. "See, Here is your first room mate. He has an IQ of 180!"
"That''s wonderful!" says Albert. "We can discuss mathematics!"
"And here is your second room mate. His IQ is 150!"
"That''s wonderful!" says Albert. "We can discuss physics!"
"And here is your third room mate. His IQ is 100!"
"That''s wonderful! We can discuss the latest plays at the theater!"
Just then another man moves out to capture Albert''s more...

At the physics exam:' Describe the universe in 200 words and give three examples.'

Q: What do physicists enjoy doing the most at baseball games?
A: The' wave'.

The Stanford Linear Accelerator Center was known as SLAC, until the big earthquake, when it became known as SPLAC. SPLAC? Stanford Piecewise Linear Accelerator.

A student recognizes Einstein in a train and asks: Excuse me, professor, but does New York stop by this train?

Researchers in Fairbanks Alaska announced last week that they have discovered a superconductor which will operate at room temperature.

The answer to the problem was "log(1+x)". A student copied the answer from the good student next to him, but didn't want to make it obvious that he was cheating, so he changed the answer slightly, to "timber(1+x)"

One day in class, Richard Feynman was talking about angular momentum. He described rotation matrices and mentioned that they more...