Einstein Jokes / Recent Jokes

Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Faster than a speeding bullet... more powerful than a locomotive... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.
Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle - you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then more...

Einstein dies and goes to heaven, only to be informed, that his room is not yet ready. "I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory. We are very sorry, but it's the best we can do, and you will have to share the room with others." he is told by the doorman. Einstein says, "This is no problem at all, and there is no need to make such a great fuss." So the doorman leads him to the dorm. They enter, and Albert is introduced to all of the present inhabitants. "See, here is your first roommate. He has an IQ of 180!" "That's wonderful!" says Albert. "We can discuss mathematics!" "And here is your second roommate. His IQ is 150!" "That's wonderful!" says Albert. "We can discuss physics!" "And here is your third roommate. His IQ is 100!" "That's wonderful! We can discuss the latest plays at the theater!" Just then another man moves out to capture Albert's hand and shake it. "I'm your more...

At the physics exam: 'Describe the universe in 200 words and give three examples.'
Q: What do physicists enjoy doing the most at baseball games?
A: The 'wave'.
The Stanford Linear Accelerator Center was known as SLAC, until the big earthquake, when it became known as SPLAC. SPLAC? Stanford Piecewise Linear Accelerator.
A student recognizes Einstein in a train and asks: Excuse me, professor, but does New York stop by this train?
Researchers in Fairbanks Alaska announced last week that they have discovered a superconductor which will operate at room temperature.
The answer to the problem was "log(1+x)". A student copied the answer from the good student next to him, but didn't want to make it obvious that he was cheating, so he changed the answer slightly, to "timber(1+x)"
One day in class, Richard Feynman was talking about angular momentum. He described rotation matrices and mentioned that they did not commute. He said that Sir William more...

Albert Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint
Peter tells him, "You look like Einstein, but you have no idea
the lengths that some people will go to sneak into heaven. Can you
prove who you really are?"
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a
blackboard and some chalk?"
Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly
appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and
symbols his theory of relativity.
Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really are Einstein!"
he says. "Welcome to heaven!"
The next to arrive is Pablo Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for
credentials.
Picasso asks, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?"
Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."
Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning
mural with just a few strokes of chalk.
Saint Peter claps. more...

Albert Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates, St. Peter says, "You look like Albert Einstein, but you have no idea the lengths people will go to in order to sneak into heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"
Einstein asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk, please?"
St. Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and some chalk instantly appear. Einstein describes, with arcane mathematics and symbols, his theory of relativity. St. Peter is very impressed.
"You really are Albert Einstein!" he says. "Welcome to heaven!"
When Pablo Picasso arrives, once again St. Peter asks for credentials.
Picasso says, "May I use that blackboard and chalk?"
St. Peter says, "Go ahead."
Picasso erases Einstein's equations and quickly sketches a truly stunning mural. St. Peter claps. "Surely, you are the great artist you claim to be!" he says. "Come on in!"
St. Peter more...