Electricity Jokes / Recent Jokes

DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER
December 8:
6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window, watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9:
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!
December 12:
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be more...

A do-it-yourself enthusiast has been banned by his wife from taking on any more tasks after causing about $30, 000 of damage. Christopher Andrews, 21, a pensions administrator, has left a trail of destruction in their two-bedroom terrace house in Wiltshire, south-west England.

While trying to change a washer on a tap, he went up into the loft to look for the stop-crock and disconnected two pipes, flooding the house. He later returned to the loft to look for the television aerial and crashed through the ceiling, showering plaster on his wife who was ironing.

When he wanted to lay a carpet in the bedroom, he knocked out the light bringing the roll of material into the house. He cut a large hole in the carpet rather than move the bed. Andrews once blacked both his eyes when a wheel brace slipped as he tried to change a punctured tire on the couple? s car.

He ruined a kitchen work surface by trimming off so much of it to make it fit that it ended up far more...

Suddenly the electricity went off in the house of a blonde.
So, she wanted to light a match.
After being tired of looking for the match, she blew out the candle and went to sleep.

My friend Sam was taking electricity as one of his high school electives, originally being interested in robotics. Unfortunately, he changed his mind, but was still stuck with finishing his despised electricity books. "Do you have any idea of a direction you are going to go now?" asked my mother. He shook his head. "No idea..." That's when my dad jumped in. "Well, even though you won't use it in your career, now you will know what happens electrically when you push the little red button and say 'Welcome to Sheetz, Pump 5 is on.'"

Jesus and Satan were having an argument about who managed to get the most out of his computer. This had been going on for days and God was tired of hearing all the bickering.
God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job."
So, down they sat at the keyboards and typed away.
They did spreadsheets.
They wrote reports.
They sent faxes.
They sent out e-mail.
They sent out e-mail with attachments.
They downloaded.
They did some genealogy reports.
They made cards.
They did every known job.
But just a few minutes before the two hours were up, a streak of lightning flashed from the sky. The thunder rolled and the rains came down hard. And the electricity went off.
Satan was upset. He fumed and fussed and he ranted and raved. All to no avail. The electricity stayed off. But after a bit the rains stopped and the electricity came back on.
Satan screamed, "I more...

There are many transmission lines that crisscross Connecticut. These are held up by transmission towers of various constructions. Those most commonly installed near urban areas are called "metal ornamental towers" (supposedly prettier than wood towers). Sometimes adventurous climb the towers in order to enjoy the view and the night air. Most stay away from the wires, and when they get bored, come back down.

Apparently, a man who was forlorn after a recent spat with his girlfriend needed some fresh air to clear his head and decided to climb a tower. He stopped for a 6 pack to help clear his thoughts, went to a tower south of Hartford, next to I-91, and climbed it. Public Service employees later pieced the story together.

The man sat there 60 feet above the highway, drank his beer and consoled his bruised ego. After 5 beers, he needed to do what people often need to do after 5 beers. It being such a long hike down, he unzipped and did his business right more...

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his
computer. They had been going at it for days and God was tired of hearing
all of the bickering.
Finally God said, "Cool it, I am going to set up a test that will run two
hours and I will judge who does the better job. So, down sat Satan and
Jesus at their keyboards and they began to type away.
They moused. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent
faxes.They sent e-mail. They sent out e-mail with attachments. They
downloaded. They did some genealogy reports. They made cards. They did
every known job. But ten minutes before their time was up, lightening
suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of
course, the electricity went off.
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the
underworld. Jesus just sighed. The electricity finally flickered back on,
and each of them restarted their more...