Elephants Jokes / Recent Jokes

It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle so the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of soccer.
The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten goals to nil, when the Ants gained possession. The Ants' star player was dribbling the ball towards the Elephants' goal when the Elephants' left back came lumbering towards him. The elephant trod on the little ant, killing him instantly. The referee stopped the game.
"What the hell do you think you're doing? Do you call that sportsmanship, killing another player?"
The elephant replied, "Well, I didn't mean to kill him - I was just trying to trip him up."

Every nation has to write a book about the Elephant:The French book - The Sex Life of the Elephant or: 1000 ways to cook ElephantThe English book - Elephants I have shot on SafariThe Welsh book - The Elephant and its influence on Welsh language and culture or: Oes ysgol tocynnau eleffant llanfairpwll nhadau coeden.The American book - How to Make Bigger And Better ElephantsThe Japanese book - How to Make Smaller And Cheaper ElephantsThe Greek book - How to Sell Elephants for a Lot of MoneyThe Finnish book - What Do Elephants Think about Finnish PeopleThe German book - A Short Introduction to Elephants, Vol 1-6.The Icelandic book - Defrosting an ElephantThe Swiss book - Switzerland: The Country Through Which Hannibal Went With His ElephantsThe Canadian book - Elephants: A Federal or State Issue? The Swedish book - How to reduce your taxes with an elephant.

It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle so the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of soccer.The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten goals to nil, when the Ants gained possession. The Ants' star player was dribbling the ball towards the Elephants' goal when the Elephants' left back came lumbering towards him. The elephant trod on the little ant, killing him instantly. The referee stopped the game."What the hell do you think you're doing? Do you call that sportsmanship, killing another player?"The elephant replied, "Well, I didn't mean to kill him - I was just trying to trip him up."

Q: What do you call an elephant with a machine gun?
A: Sir.
Q: What do you call an elephant wearing pink earmuffs and a dress?
A: Anything you want, it can't hear you.
Q: Why do elephants drink so much?
A: To try to forget.
Q: What's grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow?
A: An elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in its mouth!
Q: Why did the Elephant stand on the marshmellow?
A: So she wouldn't fall in the hot chocolate.
Q: How do you get down from an elephant?
A: You don't, you get down from a duck.
Q: Why is an elephant big, grey, and wrinkly?
A: Because, if it was small, white and smooth it would be an Aspirin.
Q: What's grey and white on the inside and red on the outside?
A: An inside out elephant.
Q: What's grey and white on the inside and red and white on the outside?
A: Campbell's Cream of Elephant soup.
Q: What is grey and not there.
A: No elephants.

Q: Why do elephants have trunks?
A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments.
Q: What do you do when you come across an elephant?
A: Wipe it off!
Q: Have you heard about Hannibal crossing the Alps with elephants?
A: None of the offspring survived.
Q: How does the male elephant find the female elephant when she's lying down in tall grass?
A: VERY attractive.
Q: How do you know when an elephant has been screwing in you're yard?
A: The flower beds are crushed and you are missing a garbage bag!
Q: What did the elephant say when he saw a dead ant on the road?
A: Deadant! Deadant! Deadant!!! (to be sung).
Q: What did he say when he saw a live ant on the road?
A: He stamped it to death and then said "Deadant! Deadant! Deadant!!!".
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a grape?
A: Cosine (Theta) Note: Assumes |elephant| |grape| 1
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a mountain more...

Q: Why do elephants have trunks? A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments.Q: What do you do when you come across an elephant? A: Wipe it off! Q: Have you heard about Hannibal crossing the Alps with elephants? A: None of the offspring survived.Q: How does the male elephant find the female elephant when she's lying down in tall grass? A: VERY attractive.Q: How do you know when an elephant has been screwing in you're yard? A: The flower beds are crushed and you are missing a garbage bag! Q: What did the elephant say when he saw a dead ant on the road? A: Deadant! Deadant! Deadant!!! (to be sung).Q: What did he say when he saw a live ant on the road? A: He stamped it to death and then said "Deadant! Deadant! Deadant!!!".Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a grape? A: Cosine (Theta) Note: Assumes elephant grape 1Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a mountain climber? A: Zero - a mountain climber is a scaler.Q: What do you give a seasick more...

The UN sponsored a competition on which nation can produce the best bookon elephants. The British submited a dry historical account "The Elephant and the British Empire."The French submited a text "The Sensuality of the Elephant -- a Personal Account."The Germans submited 47 Volumes entitled "An Elementary Introduction to the Foundation of the Science of the Elephant's Ear."The Americans submited an article from "Money" magazine: "Elephants -- the Perfect Tax Shelter for the 80s"Green-Peace submited a counter-entry "Elephants -- they're better than People"The Russians submited a terse manuscript titled "The superiority of the Soviet Elephant"And submited a poem "The Joy and Freedom Brought forth by the Soviet Elephant."But the Japanese won with their Promotional Flier "We have no Elephants but wouldn't you want to buy a Honda instead"